It’s A Blessing or A Lesson

Some lessons learned (35 actually). I hope they bless or encourage someone.

1. People tend to value less what is free or where they have no investment. I love giving, yet found people trample under foot lavish giving. If it cost them nothing (time, money, committment, resources) they do not value what is provided. In a few rare cases you find people who genuinely appreciate what does not cost them anything. Psychology Today did an article that showed people who invest nothing have no attachment or sense of ownership. The one who gives or invests is the one who grows to love. Hence God encouraging generosity. Where you sow or invest brings forth an attatchment.

2. People will expect more from you than they are willing to give. I found there are many imperfect people expecting perfection out of everyone else. Or there are people who desire I support their business, their ministry, their dreams, etc…who would not lift a finger or even offer 50 cents for anything I do or anyone else.

3. If you don’t set proper boundaries, people will walk all over you.

4. It is possible to love people and still not give them access to your life.

5. Insecure and selfish people hurt others to cope with their own internal love deficit. People, myself included, can only give away love we possess.

6. Sometimes you reap or experience what you did not sow. Examples from the Bible: Jesus, Job, Joseph.

7. Favor is not a feeling nor do circumstances always reflect the favor of God. Joseph was thrown in a pit. Jesus went to a cross. You must pay attention to the entire story, not a chapter or two.

8. Mankind loves a celebrity, Christian or otherwise. Some people will only support you based on who you know, who they think you know, or to try to get close to someone you know.

9. You must care for all parts of yourself: Body, Soul, and Spirit. Neglect one and the others suffer.

10. People (some not all) are more comfortable with men being confident, assertive, intelligent, powerful and successful. We are still fighting gender stereotypes. Be confident, intelligent, powerful, assertive, and successful anyway. Your audience is God.

11. Some people use “God told me,” or “God said,” as tools of manipulation or to get their way. If God did not tell me, I don’t care what He supposedly told everyone else. I don’t move outside of peace.

12. People who put you down often think you are better than them.

13. Some people want you to suceed, just not more than them.

14. Some people don’t know they are prejudice, sexist, or racist. It just slips out and their cover is “I have a (fill in group they biased against) friend. I don’t see color or gender.” Pray for them. Forgive. Have teaching moments, “That’s rude. That’s racist. That is inappropriate.”

15. Learning to strengthen yourself in the Lord is vital! Don’t look for cheerleaders. Cheer for your own darn self.

16. Some people don’t want to be healed even when they state they do. They subconsciously gain attention or benefit from being sick or holding onto toxic mindsets.

17. I am not Jesus. I point to Jesus. If you let people think they have access to you 24/7, 365 days a week, they will run you into the ground then get upset you broke down.

18. It is common for people to want mercy when they sin and harsh judgement when sinned against.

19. The one who opposes you the most sees you as a threat. They see your potential even if you don’t.

20. Learning to love yourself as God does is wisdom and vital to thriving.

21. The most critical people suffer from low self esteem. Putting others down or harshly critiquing them is a means to cope with internal feelings of inadequacy.

22. Some people won’t support you for fear you will surpass them.

23. Rebuke is a friend to the false prophet/prophecy…”No I am not in agreement with that. No I do not accept your word.” People don’t know they are in error if everyone just nods and smiles. Correct in love, not mean spiritedness. Pray before confronting people.

24. Pushy people need loving correction and boundaries set quickly. If you give an inch, they will drag you miles.

25. We don’t owe anyone friendship. It is a gift to be stewarded.

26. Ministry is not meant to be a hostage situation. It’s okay to take breaks or resign from assignments with proper notice. I tend to give 2-3 months notice, longer if it’s a big role.

27. I get to choose with God who I mentor, vs. people telling me I am their mentor. If people will not meet me halfway with participation and playing their part. I have the right to cease letting people waste my time.

28. People treat us how we let them treat us. People waste our time because we let them.

29. Some people view love as agreement. Which it is not. I can disagree and still love a person.

30. God is not our trunk monkey (fixer) who does everything for us. We have a participation role to play.

31. Some of the people who cry out for revival the most are the least active in partnering with God to see revival. Talking and praying about revival is more important than actually going and doing the works of Jesus and making disciples.

32. Some people like their demons yet will try to convince you they don’t. Actions scream over words.

33. If you let people, they will cling to you instead of Jesus. Say NO!

34. You can pour your heart and soul into people that treat it like nothing. Bless them and understand people will NOT treat you any better than they do God. You are ultimately doing it for God.

35. Pray over relationships and every opportunity. God show me who this person really is. When He shows you, adjust accordingly. Love people, yet set proper boundaries.

Love,

Erin

Join the Book Club!

I am passionate about helping people step into freedom. You and I do not have to hobble through life broken. It’s time to heal! Let’s heal together.

I am launching an Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse study book club on August 1, 2019.

This closed Facebook group will include additional video teachings, discussion, Q/A, and more!

What do you need to join the group?

1. Access to Facebook.

2. To purchase the study guide (only available at https://www.empowered-free.com/shop).

3. Get a copy of the book (Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse on Amazon.com) or (Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse on Empowered & Free).

Once you purchase the study guide, only $6.99, you will be sent a request to join the community/group.

We will discuss challenging questions like where is God when abuse happens? Does forgiveness heal everything? What to do when you have forgiven and you still can’t stand that person? Wrong teachings from the Bible that create circumstances for abuse, how to get your soul healed, preventing abuse, and MORE!

I hope you join the group and to connect with you soon!

Warmly,

Erin Lamb

P. S one of the book signings will be in Powell, Ohio on August 19th, 2019 (11am-1pm). More details to come.

New Releases: Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse Book and the Empowered & Free Merch Store!

Last year on July 7th, 2018 Confident & Free was released! Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse Book was released this weekend, one year later. 🎉💯

What a year. Confident & Free moved beyond a devotional book to a conference and movement. Thank you for your support of the book, the Confident & Free 2019 event, and I hope you support the new clothing and home goods line!

I started the Empowered & Free Merch Store site because I would love for products to fund missions and the needs to feed the homeless monthly. Check out our Confident & Free collection, Free to Soar collection, and the Chosen tees. Be sure to stop by and support a great cause! T-shirts, mugs, and more!

I am happy to report that Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse book went live this weekend! The paperback was launched today-7/7/2019. The Kindle version is already live on Amazon.

Check out the book promo Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse Book Promo.

My hopes for writing this latest book is to see people healed from deep wounds created by clergy, and professing Christians.

In a world of #metoo, there is unfortunately #churchtoo. When Christians behave in ways that are abusive, unloving, cruel, and violate God’s heart-it impacts the message of Jesus.

People leave churches because of abuse or mistreatment. Sadly, there are people who abandon their relationship with God all together. They project their ideas about Christians onto God. If God is so good, why are Christians unloving? I address this question and many more.

I share with you how I processed through some rough seasons with Christians. I confess, some of my worst treatment has come from people who claimed to know God.

How do we move past the wounds inflicted by Christians and clergy? How do we help people who have been sexually abused by clergy? How do we help spouses of Christians who are being abused? What about spiritual abuse and misuse of the Bible? I tackle these questions and more!

I hope you check out Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse book. Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse Book. The paperback will go live in a few days. You can order it off the company website. Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse Paperback.

Once again, thanks for your support!

Warmly,

Erin Lamb

People Are Not Against You; They Are Primarily For Themselves

Happy Look Out For Someone Besides Ourselves Wednesday!

The Bible tells us to love one another and part of love is demonstrating the heart of the Father to others. I recognized years ago in my own walk in ministry that I grew to believe God loved the people I was ministering to more than me. It is untrue. Yet the lie grew from experiences with Christians. I was expected to give, to love, to pour out, to lay my life down, to be available in every crisis, to forgive, to show up even when I was overwhelmed or in my own crisis, to put myself last, to endure gross mistreatment with a smile, to be perfect, and they were not expected to do much.

I was expected to be Jesus. They on the other hand were not. I was to offer grace and mercy and give others unlimited access to my time and life.

The reciprocation of God love was low and sometimes non existent. I was expected to get love from God and show up again to pour out. I recognized I had to set limits with people. Say no to extra ministry tasks.

I found reciprocal relationships in the marketplace and through hobbies/outside the church activities. I thank God today there are a few reciprocal relationships with believers.

It is not true God desires one sided relationships for us. It is NOT true that God desires for us to love Him, then others, and ourselves last. Every time I see those bumper stickers, I want to rip them off. The Bible states we love because He first loves us. Then we are called to love our neighbor AS we love ourselves. Step 1. God loves us. Step 2. We RECEIVE God’s love for ourselves (we cannot give what we do not receive). Step 3. We give back to God and others the love we have first received from God.

Unselfish love-loving others without strings attatched and desire for selfish gain comes ONLY from God. It is agape love-the highest form of love. It’s the love Jesus invites us into so we represent His heart to the world. It is the love that marks His followers.

Pain and disillusionment can come when we expect agape from Christians who are incapable of returning agape. We can only give what we first possess. May we abide in agape (Jesus) so we demonstrate agape (Jesus) to others.

Love is not selfish.

I noticed people would and will ask things of me that they absolutely would be unwilling to do in return. I have heard more than one person tell me I was supposed to help their ministry or business, but God was not calling them to help me. Not that I asked them for help. I tend to ask God and ask Him who to ask for help. It saves me time.

At the root of all sin is selfishness and hyper concern for self. Self is the idol to be worshipped instead of God. What about me? Is the theme song.

I realized I would push myself almost to the point of breaking to keep my word, to be there for people who would not even pull their own weight or bother to show up. It taught me something. It taught me boundaries. It taught me to expect Jesus to be Jesus, and people to be people.

Expecting people to be like Jesus leads to disillusionment. I am still a work in progress, so is everyone else. Expectations can lead to unnecessary discomfort.

We, humans, can also have flawed visions of ourselves. I have met those who believe they are representing the heart of God, yet their primary focus is self: making sure their voice is heard, their ministry is supported, their needs are met, their political agenda pushed forward.

We imitate the God we know and at times treat people similar to the way we treat God. If God is only pursued to meet a needs list, then people treat other people like slaves too. Abiding in God love, which is not selfish, is the only way we manifest unselfish love.

When we can connect with people and love them NOT for what we can gain from them, that is real love God. Love fulfills the law because love does NO purposeful harm to it’s neighbor (Romans 13:10).

We can only give away what we receive first from God. Jesus stated His followers would be known by their unselfish, sacrificial love (John 13:34-35). May we abide in His love, and love others not for our gain but for their blessing!

Look for someone to love today!!

God love wins!

Warmly,

Erin Lamb

P.S If you like this devotion, don’t forget to check out our 4th of July sale which is 40% off through July 5th. The Confident & Free 30 day devotional is on sale. The new book study guide is on sale (Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse Book). We want you to save. Go to https://www.empowered-free.com/shop and use the code July4.

It’s Time to Live Victorious! (New Book Coming Soon)

We are almost across the finish line! I am finishing up the supplemental study guide for the Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse book today.

This book was birthed out of conversations with clients from deep inner healing sessions and a friend who said, “We need a book to address abuse in the church.” It was not in my queue of books to write. I was working on a manuscript called Killing Insecurity. It’s still a work in progress. 🙂

In the past few years we have heard and seen the stories of #metoo and #churchtoo. Unfortunately, communities of faith are not immune from abuse, gross misconduct, or ungodly behavior. Every person can still choose sin. Abuse is sin. It is unfortunate when abuse happens in places that were intended to be safe, like family, and a place of healing.

I noticed abuse can slip under the rug because of wrong teachings about forgiveness, wrong teachings about submission and headship, and wrong beliefs about God. For many, it is far more detrimental to be abused by clergy. Then they are told to simply forgive and magically it will be like nothing happened. This is false. There are ways to restore/help both the abused and the the abuser.

Aren’t Christians supposed to be loving and perfect? Ha! I am not perfect, are you? Only God is perfect. I am a work in progress.

So, what are we to do about the abuse, control, manipulation, and gross mistreatment? What do we do when the people who claim to love God are failing in loving people? I highly recommend addressing it head on instead of ignoring abuse or telling people to forgive, build a bridge and get over the trauma or mistreatment they suffered.

We must cease sweeping things under the rug and deal with issues that violate God’s heart. It’s a part of justice. God loves to help the oppressed. The greatest commandment revolves around loving God and loving our neighbor as we love ourselves.

Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse unpacks:

  • Why abuse happens.
  • How people who claim Jesus can be so cruel and unloving.
  • How to spot the red flags of abuse.
  • Wrong uses of scripture.
  • Why forgiveness alone is not removing all your negative feelings or pain.
  • How to get your soul healed!
  • How to keep your children and heart safe.
  • Setting boundaries and dealing with people who do not respect boundaries.
  • Moving from victim to victor.
  • Where was God and why didn’t He stop the abuse?
  • And so much more!

I hope you grab a copy of Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse when it’s released next month and you share it with any person who has been physically, sexually, emotionally, verbally or in any way grossly mistreated by professing Christians.

I also recommend this book for those who have not been abused. I have never been sexually abused, yet I have learned so much and how to speak compassionately from working with abuse victims. Sometimes Christians say the wrong things. This book provides insight into the thoughts of an abuse victim.

I hope many are set free from deep rooted wounds. The first editor stated she experienced healing from reading the manuscript.

It’s time to heal.

It’s time to SOAR!

It’s time to move out of the land of being victimized and into the land of victors.

You may watch a short book trailer here: https://youtu.be/jlexF1HRpFA

Warmly,

Erin Lamb

Why That Christian May Have Hurt You!

Gosh, God loves us SOoooooooo much and loves us just as we are. He does not want to leave us as He found us. Part of growing up is becoming more like Jesus in love and character. We still have our uniqueness, we simply grow to look like we would have without the impact of the Fall. We came from God, and in Him there is no flaw.

Sometimes along the way hurts happen from Christians in process, Christians not abiding, immature or carnal Christians. There are two choices 1. Become bitter and cynical. 2. Become better and learn from the experiences.

Hope this post blesses someone and even heals hurts caused by people in process. I am so still on His Potter’s Wheel. The goal is not striving for perfection. The goal is continual intimacy with God and yielding to God to produce good fruit.

Perspective Shifts Can Heal Woundeness (Reflections from the next book)

Sometimes the person who harmed you is an infant or toddler spiritually and in their soul. If you watch babies/toddlers they can be quite “me focused.” They do not think about how their choices impact anyone else. They can be selfish, rude, throw tantrums, make messes, buck correction, get highly offended, pout, and be irresponsible.

Just because a person is 20, 30, 40, 50 or more does NOT mean their soul or spirit is developed into adulthood. They can be 75 and saved 60 years and still 3 in their spirit. Why? God does not force growth. God does not force relationship, abiding, and love.

We grow through relationship with God, intimacy with God, abiding in God, yielding to God, listening to God, studying the Bible with God, accepting correction from people and others (some people never repent or take ownership for their poor conduct-they make excuses or scream grace). We grow up by going through trials with God.

Our character is developed in hard seasons. We grow by having community. It is imperative to have some mature, godly people who walk in love and can speak into our lives. The lone toddler stays a toddler because their view of God is never challenged.

Some people stay in infancy because anything that makes them uncomfortable they get offended and leave. They will not stay anywhere long enough to grow. They look for the easiest road, easiest relationships, and seek out those who will tell them what they want to hear.

Sometimes a carnal or immature Christian will behave just like a person who does not know Jesus or worse. An unyielded person does NOT bear good fruit.

The person who hurt you may be an infant or toddler in their understanding, communication, and applications of what they think is God’s truth.

Understanding we are all in process and not everyone develops at the same rate can help heal so much. Sometimes in inner healing with people I ask God to show them the true age of the person who hurt them. Sometimes it’s a toddler looking back at them; confused and ill equipped to handle adult situations. Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse, God willing, will be released next month.

If someone hurt you, it may have simply been a manifestation of their immaturity or carnality. It does not mean it’s right. It means we understand a toddler has a different mindset than an adult. Some people have never allowed God to grow them up or they were wounded themselves and did not seek healing. Immature Christians are insecure Christians. If they do not know their identity in Jesus, they can harm so many people in the name of God. People represent the God they know. Hence God inviting us into relationship not just going to a building once a week to listen to someone else talk about their relationship with God.

You are greatly loved! Lifting you up today. May the healing virtue of Jesus overwhelm you!

Love,

Erin

#books #soulhealing #GetYourSoulHealed #OvercomingChurchHurtandAbuseBook

We Need Healthy Souls!

Why Soul Healing Matters…(short excerpt from my third book-Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse coming out this summer & Masterclass this June)

I have encountered so many people who go to church, pray, fast, tithe, forgive, read the bible and their life is still a mess. Some are physically ill and no matter how much prayer they receive, they do not recover.

There is hyper focus on the body and spirit in communities of faith. People sometimes ignore the soul.

The soul is comprised of the mind, will, and emotions. This part of a person does not instantly become like Jesus when a person repents and places their faith in Him. It is the part of the person that requires continual yielding to God and the mind needs renewed.

Along with renewing the mind, people often come to God with histories of brokenness. These things do not always just magically disappear. They can have a host of problems in their emotions, behaviors, habits, defense mechanisms, and after years of giving themselves over to sin or being sinned against suffer greatly in their soul. Some can read the bible all day and still struggle with lust, anger, rage, pride, insecurity, eating disorders, addiction, depression, and some cases they hear voices or can have a false Holy Spirit. Some have buried their trauma instead of offered it to God. They suffer in silence or some simply create relational dysfunction everywhere they go.

Unhealthy people hurt themselves or others. Unhealthy people also attract unhealthy people.

When there are wounds in the soul, people will overreact to things. Something that is small to one person becomes major to them. Those with soul wounds may have a distorted view of events. They may suffer from hyper suspicion, a hyper critical spirit, or struggle with intimacy.

A wounded soul may struggle to love or be loved. You can love a wounded person with all your might, and they cannot receive what you offer or they accuse you of bad motives.

Physical sickness can also flow from the soul, not originate in the body. I have worked with several cancer patients and their sickness was also deeply imbedded in the soul from unhealed trauma, cursing their body (I hate being a woman), overgiving/codependency, or generational.

The more the soul is healed, the more the person begins to see good fruit emerging in their life.

I have spent years working with dissociative people (those wounded so greatly their personalities split), victims of abuse/severe abuse, and those who seem stuck no matter what they try to do. What I have seen are those issues were living inside the soul. There were wounds as far back as in utero. Yes, babies in the womb can be wounded. Yes, they can hear when mom and dad are discussing things. Yes, they can sense when they are unwanted. I had a lady who struggled her entire life with intimacy because she was wounded as a baby. Her parents had no idea their actions impacted the rest of her life.

We can preach to people all day, yet are they getting better? Is anyone getting healed and made whole. Jesus made people whole.

A broken bone requires more than a bandaid. A broken soul requires more than prayer and quoting scriptures. If no one deals with the root, there remains the manifestation of fruit. Soul healing is inviting God into the places that are broken so He can bring total healing and restoration.

I have met with so many people over the years who had significant breakthrough once their soul wounds were healed. Some required extra sessions, help, therapy to deal with bad habits, yet in 95% of the cases they saw remarkable improvement. God loves to heal, not just the body-the soul.

If you are interested in soul healing, be sure to check out empowered-free.com. The upcoming Masterclass registration closes June 7th. Class is June 13-15 2019 in Columbus, Ohio. The class is best suited for those in inner healing and those who want to learn faith based tools. The tools used are rooted in Christian faith.

To join Masterclass, a 3 day (24 hours Intensive training), go to:

https://www.empowered-free.com/book-online

Love,

Erin