Promotion Comes from God

Let God Promote You & Bypass Disgrace!

We live in an insta society where people want to build a brand, a name for themselves, and promote what they can do. As a business owner I have been told to promote myself, build a brand, get the word out there. I try to share what I do, but I am most interested in how I can help someone else or hear their story. I love stories. I don’t want to be a self promoter. I would love for God to open doors and God to get the glory.

It’s a temptation to promote ourselves ahead of God or to build our own empires. The truth is, it’s His story for His glory and God advises us to do nothing out of selfish ambition and vain conceit. We are also told the following from Psalm 75:7.

This I know:

the favor that brings promotion and power

doesn’t come from anywhere on earth,

for no one exalts a person but God, the true judge of all.

He alone determines where favor rests.

He anoints one for greatness

and brings another down to his knees.

It is God who raises up and sits down. God gives grace and promotion to the humble, not the proud. God will put your name, your ministry, your business, your needs on the hearts of the right people at the RIGHT TIME! The key word is TIME. Please don’t move ahead of God. He knows what He is doing.

God thinks bigger than we do, and God prepares who He calls. God cares more about our character than our gifting. You don’t set your child up to fail. You would not give a toddler keys to a lambourghini, yet I have seen people promote themselves or others past where they need to be at the moment. It can lead to disgrace.

Our giftings have the capability to take us further than our character or capacity can sustain us. If we are not rooted in Jesus, it can lead to performance and striving. Both are stepping away from abiding in the true vine-Jesus. Apart from Him we can do nothing (John 15:4-5).

What is in a name and the applause of mankind? Nothing. For if we live to please people or move from red carpet to red carpet, we are no longer servants of God.

Am I now trying to win the favor and approval of men, or of God? Or am I seeking to please someone? If I were still trying to be popular with men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ,~Apostle Paul (Galatians 1:10).

Pride is a nasty sneaky demon that has destroyed many families, friendships, and ministries. It is the chief sin of Lucifer…”I will exalt my throne above Gods.” It is more concerned with self than God or others. Pride needs to be out front and boasting. It is applauded in culture, it is not in heaven. God resists the proud. We can boast in God, yet I cannot boast in myself or what I have done. I am nothing apart from Him and only by His grace am I even alive.

And he gives grace generously. As the Scriptures say, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”~James 4:6.

Honestly, the best places to be in the Kingdom are at the feet of Jesus or in His arms. It is not the stage, the platform, the TV show, the radio, the podcast, the blog, the speaking or preaching engagements. It’s intimacy with God and making His name famous on the earth. Is Jesus glorified? Is it aligned with heaven? Is Jesus made known?

It’s also about the timing of God.

When Jesus rode into Jerusalem He knew where the donkey was that had never been ridden. God knew where to find him. He may have been invisible to everyone else, yet that donkey had a date with destiny.

When Jesus had finished saying all this, he went on toward Jerusalem. As he was getting near Bethphage and Bethany on the Mount of Olives, he sent two of his disciples on ahead. He told them, “Go into the next village, where you will find a young donkey that has never been ridden. Untie the donkey and bring it here. If anyone asks why you are doing that, just say, ‘The Lord needs it.’”-Luke 19:28-31 (CEV).

God knew where Moses was on the back side of the desert. He spoke to him and called him from a burning bush (Exodus 3:1-17). God knew where David was. Shepherd boy David was tending sheep (1 Samuel 16). He did not have to run to the front of the line and say, “God chose me to be king.” God sent for David and anointed him.

When God calls and when God anoints, He provides grace for the mission. When we call ourselves, anoint ourselves, or allow someone else to call us outside of God’s timing it leads to disgrace. If God places me somewhere, I know God will sustain me. If I appoint myself or allow others to appoint me ahead of His timing it leads to self effort and self promotion to keep me there.

I have angered a few people in my lifetime for refusing to give them a leadership role ahead of what God told me to do and disappointed a few people who wanted to catupult me into their version of my destiny, not God’s voice to my heart. I simply know that moving ahead of God or following the ways of man leads to destruction.

My encouragements:

  • Seek God and pursue humilty (get low to serve not be served).
  • Focus on being a blessing instead of being blessed.
  • Wait on God. Trust me, God knows where you are and where to find you. If God can locate an unridden donkey, He can find you.
  • Yield to the Holy Spirit. I cannot tell you how many times He has whispered to my heart, “This is not for you.” Or “This is not the proper timing.”
  • Understand everything that glitters (sounds good, looks good) is NOT necessarily God.
  • Seek God with opportunities. “God is this aligned with what I need to be doing right now?”
  • Understand God wants you to succeed. God loves His kids more than we love ours.
  • Know God withholds nothing good. If you are in a hidden season, enjoy the time with God. I love my cave with God. I actually prefer it to the spotlight.
  • Sink into Jesus. Keep abiding.
  • Don’t be distracted by shooting stars. Some rise fast then crash and burn.
  • Your audience is God, not people! Live for the applause of heaven.
  • Think in terms of eternity.
  • Understand earth is more concerned with metrics than Jesus. God is looking at the heart.
  • Note popularity is not the same as influence. There are popular people with millions of people headed straight to hell.
  • Quality is better than low quality and high quantity. Focus on becoming the best version of yourself with Jesus.
  • Building history/relationship with God is far more important than building an audience or platform.

Warmly,

Erin Lamb

Empowered-Free.Com

Empoweredandfreemerch.com

OperationGodisLove.org

Stay in Your Lane

Happy Live Unrivaled Tuesday!

The Bible discourages comparison. Let’s talk about our cultural obsession with keeping up with the Joneses.

We each have a unique voice and journey. Each person has their own assignment and pace. Looking to the left or the right can bring significant bondage. When we compare it leads to either self righteousness or pride (I am better than this person) or insecurity which is the flip side of pride (I am not as good or capable as this other person).

Sometimes jealousy, envy, and strife are rooted in comparison. Look at what the other person is doing (especially on social media). How do you measure up? Jealousy is being upset someone else is getting attention or a blessing or has something the person thinks they deserve. Envy is not wanting them to have it. Strife is the fighting, gossiping, arguments, and bitterness that emerge from the sin.

Our measure of how well we are doing in life, in ministry, in business, etc…is best rooted in God. If your church has 10 people that you are faithfully serving-praise God. If the other church has 10,000 whooohoo. Comparing numbers is a waste of time. Heaven rejoices when one sinner repents.

I had a lady tell me my outreach to the poor was just giving out handouts and their ministry was training people for jobs. Well, awesome you have resources for job training. I have resources to help people not eat out of the garbage for a day and get saved. Then we connect them with larger ministries who help them with rehab, job placement, daily meals, after care, discipleship, etc…Jesus stated if your enemy is hungry feed him. Why worry about what that other ministry is doing. Stay in your lane. I rarely look at what other people are doing unless it’s for inspiration. I am not them, they are not me.

God creates. He does not clone. We are NOT to be cookie cutter duplicates of each other.

I had someone else tell me I needed to be more like this other minister who travels the world preaching. I said no. I reach 144 countries through my blogging (I have two blogs) and social media, sometimes 10,000 people a week. What I need to do is stay rooted in Jesus and do what I see the Father doing. If one person get’s saved, I rejoice. We had one salvation at outreach Sarurday. Thank you God! I don’t care if another outreach saw 100s.

Comparison is toxic. The Bible says the following:

Galatians 6:4-5 Each of you must examine your own actions. Then you can be proud of your own accomplishments without comparing yourself to others. Assume your own responsibility.

2 Corinthians 10:12 We wouldn’t put ourselves in the same class with or compare ourselves to those who are bold enough to make their own recommendations. Certainly, when they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves to themselves, they show how foolish they are.

James 3:16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.

Proverbs 14:30 A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.

1 Corinthians 3:3 For you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?

Our world loves comparison, God asks us to be of the Kingdom-not the world.

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

1 John 2:15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

We don’t live for people. We live for God.

Philippians 2:3 Don’t act out of selfish ambition or be conceited. Instead, humbly think of others as being better than yourselves.

Galatians 1:10 Am I saying this now to win the approval of people or God? Am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be Christ’s servant.

Isaiah 2:22 Stop regarding man in whose nostrils is breath, for of what account is he?

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

May you and I stay focused on the most important thing; God. May we ditch comparison and focus on running our own race with Jesus. In the end, we will all give an account for our own lives, not anyone else’s. Ditch comparison and find joy in the journey with God. We are not with God to perform or tally metrics. We are with God to love Him, know Him, and enjoy Him! It is impossible to have our eyes fixed on God while hyper focusing on what our neighbor is doing.

May we also stop comparing each other. “Oh you need to be more like (fill in the blank).” I honestly cannot be someone else. I am called to be Erin Lamb, the one Father calls Judah. I do not have the same capacity, heart, giftings, etc…as the person next to me. I do what I am called to do by the power of God in me. I encourage that for everyone. What has God given you? Use that for His glory.

Love,

Erin Lamb

Empowered-Free.Com/Shop (check out books, teaching materials)

EmpoweredandFreemerch.com (check out our tshirts, merch, mugs, and more. Part of the proceeds go towards helping the poor, homeless, and victims of human trafficking)

OperationGodisLove.org (charity work)

P.S If you are in Ohio, I would love to connect with you at the next two book signings!

The Root of Gun Violence

I hate that we continue to see the same repeat patterns of violence in our culture. Yet history has a way of attempting to repeat itself. Millions of Native Americans and Africans were murdered and enslaved with the establishment of America. Bloodshed is rooted in the DNA of this country. Rape, violence, and mistreatment of people who were marked as different were parts of the foundations of this Nation.

Freedom for all was for white men only for quite some time. Women could not vote, own property, and were more like property than partners. Native and African women were stripped from their partners and raped. Many forced to have children by slave owners who would also become property. Native and African men were tortured, murdered, men raped too (something some history books omit), and even forced to watch the rape of their wives and children. Africans and Natives were denied basic human rights.

Natives and Africans were torn from their partnerships. There were Africans here before the slave trade. Forbidden to marry, and divide and conquer was the name of the game. This too is not always told in history courses in America.

Why do I bring these things forward in light of the rise of mass shootings in America? Because if we do not examine our history and learn from it, it is bound to repeat itself. When we look at history we see a pattern of lack of value for certain lives. We see violence and murder. It did not start in America. It started with Cain and Abel.

The sins of humanity leads to destruction. It truly is not guns killing people (though I am not against laws to protect people), it is selfishness, lack of God love, and sin.

Do I love America? Yes. Do I value this country? Yes. Do I also understand her history and transgressions? Yes. I want a better future for the children coming up behind us. I do not want them to live in terror or suffer from PTSD. How frightening it is that schools, churches, and places that should be safe are no longer considered safe or sacred? We can do better.

I don’t believe video games or mental illness are causing mass shootings. There were no video games when millions of Natives were slaughtered on this soil, or thousands of African men hung from trees. There was hatred, insecurity, and sin.

There is a fundamental lack of God love prevailing in our culture and the world. Love that seeks to do not harm to its neighbor (Romans 13:10) and chooses to forgo selfishness. People who care only about themselves or their people group are dangerous.

Also where you find jealousy, you also find a murderous spirit (Saul with David, Cain with Abel, Joseph’s brothers, the Pharisees with Jesus). Some people do not murder with guns or knives, they murder with lies, slander, gossip, back biting, and nasty online posts or comments.

When there is fear and hatred, you find people may do the most ungodly things in acts of perceived threat or self preservation. It becomes “Us vs. Them” instead of “We were all created in the image of God.”

Our world is suffering from a spiritual and moral crisis that I do not believe will be completely resolved by natural means. Should we do our best to protect people? Yes. Do we also understand there is a spiritual element at work?

Evil is not only the abuse of free will, it is a manifestation of a heart that is sick and sinful. I hope we can look at the spiritual condition of society and stop blaming everything on games or mental illness. I know plenty of people who have suffered from mental illness who never grabbed a gun and shot up random people. The issue is the depravity, sin, and evil in the heart. Only God can transform a wicked heart.

Our world needs God love (unselfish, sacrificial, and pure love for all of humanity). People who do not love do not know God for God is love (1 John 4:8). If we do not stop looking at fruit and start examining roots, I am concerned we will not see transformation in our culture. It is not supposed to be, “God bless me and no one else,” or “My way is best,” or “I am only concerned about people who look like me, vote like me, or believe like me.” Love seeks what is best for EVERYONE!

God, I repent on behalf of my country for our selfishness, greed, idolatry, gluttony, lack of love, senseless murder, the rape/violence/human trafficking, for not truly honoring you or your commandments, for our sin, our lack of honor, our treachery and betrayal, our mistreatment or abuse of any people group, our lust and pride, our calling evil good, our strife/fighting, our deception, our poor conduct and immorality, our complacency and passivity, our dishonor of you and creation, and our failure to set a godly example for the world. I am sorry for our sins. Please cleanse and heal our land.

We need hearts transformed! My heart prayer for today has been, “God wreck our hearts in a good way with your unfailing love. We can only love our neighbors/others if we first receive your great love!”

Erin

God is Not the Problem. God=Love. People Misrepresenting God is the Problem.

Some people are angry with God or Christianity. They have their horror stories that normally fall back on 1. Someone who claimed to know God treated them horribly or 2. God did not perform the way they wanted or agree with their line of thinking.

They did not get their way or the miracle they wanted, so obviously God is bad. I cannot explain why God does not prevent every disappointment or hurt. I do know God gave humanity the ability to choose and some people choose unwisely.

I talk about God’s heart towards humanity in all my books. I hope they help people see God is not the monster hiding in the dark with lightening bolts to strike them.

God is not the problem, sin is and misunderstanding the Bible or the character of God. We must understand that the God of Christianity is love. The greatest commandment Jesus gave His followers was, “Love God and love your neighbor as you love yourself.” Love fulfills God’s law because it seeks to do no harm to it’s neighbor (Romans 13:10).

God love is not like human love that is based on feelings or agreement. There are people who believe that love is giving them everything they desire even if it us harmful. There are people who believe that love means absolute agreement. It does not. God is holy, without sin. Therefore, God can love us deeply and not agree with our poor choices that fall outside His boundaries. Disagreement is not hatred. God hates sin because sin destroys people. God loves people.

God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son (1 John 3:16). God loves the entire world, even those who do not love in return. It does not mean that God agrees with everything humanity does. Nor does it mean God accepts everything. God cannot agree with or accept sin because it is opposite of His nature. As stated before, God is holy (without any sin).

What about all these nasty Christians online or in your life. If God is love, why are you encountering hateful or bigoted/racist/sexist/prejudice/angry/hostile/mean/hurtful/abusive/selfish/unkind professing Christians? People can claim God all day long yet the Bible state plainly a tree can be known by it’s fruit. Jesus stated those who knew Him would love as He loves. The Bible also states that those who do not love do not know God (1 John 4:8).

This agape love is a byproduct of intimacy (knowing) with God. We imitate the God we know. There are people who are immature (immaturity is marked by selfishness), carnal (also marked by selfishness), or who struggle greatly with insecurity (insecure people can cause great damage because they need someone to be inferior to feel superior). Unfortunately there are some “Christians” who suffer from self righteousness or a holier than though complex.

The true Church, God, nor Jesus hurt you. A sinful person claiming to know God hurt you. One of the steps to healing is understanding people are NOT God and many falsely represent God and some grossly misunderstand or misinterpret the Bible. Some are immature or insecure Christians. Some are carnal. Some simply slipped out of abiding in the love of God.

God is good. God is holy. God loves people. If our view of the Bible does not align with the character of God then most likely we are wrong in our interpretation of the Bible or our definition of love/goodness. Some view love as agreeing on everything, no consequences for their actions, and approval-that is not the same as love. God love is unselfish, holy, pure, involves accountability, and is full of truth.

I repeat God is love-sacrificial, unselfish love. God is not petty, mean, selfish, flakey, rude, racist, prejudice, sexist, bigoted, harmful, nor awful. God is not the problem. People claiming to know God without full surrender to God are the issue. Jesus only did what He saw the Father doing. He lived a surrendered life!

I pray we heal from awful acting Christians. Forgive them. Release them to God. People can only give away the love they possess. Pray God gives them a good dunking in His love. If your heart is still hurting or wounded, I want you to get your soul healed! It is possible to heal from being grossly mistreated or abused by Christians or clergy.

I hope you surrender all the pain to God and get to know Him for yourself. God loves you deeply and profoundly.

Join the Get Your Soul Healed Tribe:

If you wish for help to process through the pain, you can join my 8 week study and freedom group. It’s no cost to join. You simply need to grab a copy of the new book and the study guide. The study guide is only $6.99. Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse Book and Study Guide. Once you grab the study guide, I will add you to the closed and private group. Sessions start August 1! At 7pm EST this Thursday night I will kick off the study! I hope to see you there. Soul healing activations are a part of the group.

If you do not join the group, I hope to see you at one of the upcoming book signings in Ohio! Come say hello and enter to win some great prizes!!

You are so deeply loved!

Warmly,

Erin Lamb

Empowered-Free.com

Empoweredandfreemerch.com

OperationGodisLove.org

People Are Not Against You; They Are Primarily For Themselves

Happy Look Out For Someone Besides Ourselves Wednesday!

The Bible tells us to love one another and part of love is demonstrating the heart of the Father to others. I recognized years ago in my own walk in ministry that I grew to believe God loved the people I was ministering to more than me. It is untrue. Yet the lie grew from experiences with Christians. I was expected to give, to love, to pour out, to lay my life down, to be available in every crisis, to forgive, to show up even when I was overwhelmed or in my own crisis, to put myself last, to endure gross mistreatment with a smile, to be perfect, and they were not expected to do much.

I was expected to be Jesus. They on the other hand were not. I was to offer grace and mercy and give others unlimited access to my time and life.

The reciprocation of God love was low and sometimes non existent. I was expected to get love from God and show up again to pour out. I recognized I had to set limits with people. Say no to extra ministry tasks.

I found reciprocal relationships in the marketplace and through hobbies/outside the church activities. I thank God today there are a few reciprocal relationships with believers.

It is not true God desires one sided relationships for us. It is NOT true that God desires for us to love Him, then others, and ourselves last. Every time I see those bumper stickers, I want to rip them off. The Bible states we love because He first loves us. Then we are called to love our neighbor AS we love ourselves. Step 1. God loves us. Step 2. We RECEIVE God’s love for ourselves (we cannot give what we do not receive). Step 3. We give back to God and others the love we have first received from God.

Unselfish love-loving others without strings attatched and desire for selfish gain comes ONLY from God. It is agape love-the highest form of love. It’s the love Jesus invites us into so we represent His heart to the world. It is the love that marks His followers.

Pain and disillusionment can come when we expect agape from Christians who are incapable of returning agape. We can only give what we first possess. May we abide in agape (Jesus) so we demonstrate agape (Jesus) to others.

Love is not selfish.

I noticed people would and will ask things of me that they absolutely would be unwilling to do in return. I have heard more than one person tell me I was supposed to help their ministry or business, but God was not calling them to help me. Not that I asked them for help. I tend to ask God and ask Him who to ask for help. It saves me time.

At the root of all sin is selfishness and hyper concern for self. Self is the idol to be worshipped instead of God. What about me? Is the theme song.

I realized I would push myself almost to the point of breaking to keep my word, to be there for people who would not even pull their own weight or bother to show up. It taught me something. It taught me boundaries. It taught me to expect Jesus to be Jesus, and people to be people.

Expecting people to be like Jesus leads to disillusionment. I am still a work in progress, so is everyone else. Expectations can lead to unnecessary discomfort.

We, humans, can also have flawed visions of ourselves. I have met those who believe they are representing the heart of God, yet their primary focus is self: making sure their voice is heard, their ministry is supported, their needs are met, their political agenda pushed forward.

We imitate the God we know and at times treat people similar to the way we treat God. If God is only pursued to meet a needs list, then people treat other people like slaves too. Abiding in God love, which is not selfish, is the only way we manifest unselfish love.

When we can connect with people and love them NOT for what we can gain from them, that is real love God. Love fulfills the law because love does NO purposeful harm to it’s neighbor (Romans 13:10).

We can only give away what we receive first from God. Jesus stated His followers would be known by their unselfish, sacrificial love (John 13:34-35). May we abide in His love, and love others not for our gain but for their blessing!

Look for someone to love today!!

God love wins!

Warmly,

Erin Lamb

P.S If you like this devotion, don’t forget to check out our 4th of July sale which is 40% off through July 5th. The Confident & Free 30 day devotional is on sale. The new book study guide is on sale (Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse Book). We want you to save. Go to https://www.empowered-free.com/shop and use the code July4.

Why That Christian May Have Hurt You!

Gosh, God loves us SOoooooooo much and loves us just as we are. He does not want to leave us as He found us. Part of growing up is becoming more like Jesus in love and character. We still have our uniqueness, we simply grow to look like we would have without the impact of the Fall. We came from God, and in Him there is no flaw.

Sometimes along the way hurts happen from Christians in process, Christians not abiding, immature or carnal Christians. There are two choices 1. Become bitter and cynical. 2. Become better and learn from the experiences.

Hope this post blesses someone and even heals hurts caused by people in process. I am so still on His Potter’s Wheel. The goal is not striving for perfection. The goal is continual intimacy with God and yielding to God to produce good fruit.

Perspective Shifts Can Heal Woundeness (Reflections from the next book)

Sometimes the person who harmed you is an infant or toddler spiritually and in their soul. If you watch babies/toddlers they can be quite “me focused.” They do not think about how their choices impact anyone else. They can be selfish, rude, throw tantrums, make messes, buck correction, get highly offended, pout, and be irresponsible.

Just because a person is 20, 30, 40, 50 or more does NOT mean their soul or spirit is developed into adulthood. They can be 75 and saved 60 years and still 3 in their spirit. Why? God does not force growth. God does not force relationship, abiding, and love.

We grow through relationship with God, intimacy with God, abiding in God, yielding to God, listening to God, studying the Bible with God, accepting correction from people and others (some people never repent or take ownership for their poor conduct-they make excuses or scream grace). We grow up by going through trials with God.

Our character is developed in hard seasons. We grow by having community. It is imperative to have some mature, godly people who walk in love and can speak into our lives. The lone toddler stays a toddler because their view of God is never challenged.

Some people stay in infancy because anything that makes them uncomfortable they get offended and leave. They will not stay anywhere long enough to grow. They look for the easiest road, easiest relationships, and seek out those who will tell them what they want to hear.

Sometimes a carnal or immature Christian will behave just like a person who does not know Jesus or worse. An unyielded person does NOT bear good fruit.

The person who hurt you may be an infant or toddler in their understanding, communication, and applications of what they think is God’s truth.

Understanding we are all in process and not everyone develops at the same rate can help heal so much. Sometimes in inner healing with people I ask God to show them the true age of the person who hurt them. Sometimes it’s a toddler looking back at them; confused and ill equipped to handle adult situations. Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse, God willing, will be released next month.

If someone hurt you, it may have simply been a manifestation of their immaturity or carnality. It does not mean it’s right. It means we understand a toddler has a different mindset than an adult. Some people have never allowed God to grow them up or they were wounded themselves and did not seek healing. Immature Christians are insecure Christians. If they do not know their identity in Jesus, they can harm so many people in the name of God. People represent the God they know. Hence God inviting us into relationship not just going to a building once a week to listen to someone else talk about their relationship with God.

You are greatly loved! Lifting you up today. May the healing virtue of Jesus overwhelm you!

Love,

Erin

#books #soulhealing #GetYourSoulHealed #OvercomingChurchHurtandAbuseBook

Communication-A Building Block to Healthy Relationships

Communication is one of the building blocks of a healthy relationship. People don’t know what we do not tell them. I don’t know any mind readers. In an age where people prefer to talk about people behind their back rather than to their face, God gives us better counsel. He says, “If your brother or sister sins against you, go directly to them in love. Make sure you check yourself (make sure your spirit is right) and you are not in sin, then gently go talk to your brother or sister.” It does not say, “Push that person into the dirt, shame them, call them names, or be mean spirited.” It also does not say “go tell everyone except the person you have the problem with.”

I had a lady once who all of a sudden started treating me poorly. She did not tell me anything. She just acted funny. Years later, after she processed her issues she randomly said to me, “We are good now. I processed my issues with you and we are good.” The problem was I never knew there was an issue. She was upset because I was receiving certain attention from a particular ministry that rejected her. I was clueless. I only knew what she showed me.

I also had an instance with a gentleman I was trying to serve and love as a brother in Christ who took my sisterly love as romantic. He treated me poorly. I was trying to fulfill John 13:34-35. He saw it as me chasing him, which I did not, for girlfriend status. He never communicated to me his perceptions. He kept inviting me places then ignoring me when I got there. I thought the invitations to group things were invitations for friendship. He told others how he felt. He never honored me enough to ask me questions or talk to me. So others talked about me behind my back with false understandings of my intentions. One brave person told me what was going on so I could move away from this person and stop trying to be his friend. In hindsight, I should have stopped initiating kindness the first time he ignored me. People show us how they feel about us with their actions.

Over the course of my life, I have lived through the “friends” who talked about me instead of to me. I will tell you it is impossible to build a relationship with someone who is not honest and does not communicate. It is challenging to trust people who talk about people all the time behind their back. If they gossip to you or talk badly about others, they will gossip about you or do the same to you. I ask people, “Have you talked to this person, or are you just venting to me? They don’t know you are upset if you do not communicate.” I don’t purposely befriend people for close relationships who prefer to talk about people rather than talk to them. Why? It is not healthy.

Every relationship I have ended, I had a conversation with the person, if I could and it was safe to do so. I have had a few stalkers and hostile people, they get blocked and reported if they refuse to respect boundaries.

Healthy communication builds bridges and can save relationships. Talk it out.

Sometimes we just are not a great fit, even in circles of faith. That’s okay. Sometimes that person just fades out of our life. Seasons change. Yet I did not just disappear and never say anything.

Every person, if I could and it was wisdom, I had an issue with I approached directly in love (either in writing (I process best in written form) or phone or in person). Why? Because people cannot read our minds. Sometimes people are clueless how their behavior impacts others. What we refuse to discuss festers in our souls. People also treat us how we let them. People don’t know our boundaries if we do not set them.

Maybe there is someone to reach out to have a conversation, clear the air, cut the ties, build a bridge, or just to move along.

I appreciate greatly the people in my life who were courageous enough to communicate. A few have had the wrong spirit or absolutely the wrong perception, yet even ungodly feedback can be taken to God. “God what they see is not what happened, yet it bothered someone greatly so I take full responsibility for any unintentional harm. I repent to see my brother or sister healed. If I hurt or harmed someone on accident, I still take responsibility and take their concerns under consideration.”

In order to build any healthy relationship with God or anyone else it requires communication and honesty. I don’t do pretend. I won’t smile in your face and talk nasty about you to everyone and their momma. Why? Because love is authentic and cares about your reputation. Love cares about you!

May we communicate. How has communication helped your relationships? Are you communicating to the right people?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Warmly,

Erin