A lesson from my jeweler: what’s valued is not easily accessible.

My jeweler knows me; when I see her, she’s comfortable pulling diamonds and gems out of the case and handing them over to me. She knows who I am; she’s vetted me and sold me several pieces. You’ll note that everything that is real and costly is locked up – you cannot grab what you want. You’ll notice they do not offer diamonds at the price or availability of costume jewelry.

In human relationships, I’ve witnessed people offer themselves over to people who treat them horribly. Their open access, refusal to vet people, and lack of any boundaries lead to being used, abused, and mistreated.

Cheap and easy works well for fast food; it’s a recipe for disaster in matters of the heart.

I am not stating that materialism is the key to a good relationship, nor playing hard to get. I am stating that things shift when you start viewing access to you as something that requires vetting people. It is wise to see your value and worth and cease placing diamonds (your heart, body, time) in the hands of those who are not trustworthy. It means you allow people to see who you are, yet access to your inner world is reserved for those deemed trustworthy.

Early in my life I desired to love everyone and be an asset to everyone. What I learned were hard lessons. One lesson was love and access are not the same. You can love people and set boundaries with their access to you.

I talk about this in Relationships 101: Foundational Wisdom for Better Relationships. We choose the level of access people have to us.

I love traveling and I am planning to return to Asia soon. When I purchase tickets, they provide access to seats based on what we paid for in the ticket price. First Class seats are reserved for people who paid that price. Economy guests are not provided First Class privileges.

I was guilty of providing VIP treatment to economy people. I provided best friendship to lukewarm friends. I over invested in consumers. It was unwise and unhealthy.

When we know how valuable we are, we are highly selective of who has the closest access to us. We can love everyone. Trust is earned. Access is contingent on trust.

God placed such a high value on you that He paid the highest price to secure a relationship with you. You are not considered low value to God. It does not matter how others have interacted with you or treated you! What matters is the Creator of the Universe thinks the world of you! You were created on purpose. You are a handcrafted, original gem from the imagination of God.

Live loved.

Live on purpose.

Love,

Erin L Lamb