Category: From the Book

London Book Fair & LA Times Book Fair

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Relationships 101: Foundational Wisdom for Better Relationships is a book that was a labor of love. As stated I was watching my father slowly decline while writing this book, and he passed away in June 2024. I’ve also endured sub par relationships with people hoping to reveal to them the love of God. I put up with mistreatment at times, connections with people who demonstrated they did not possess the same values, and I was known for giving far more than I received in connections with people. Relationships 101 not only provides insight from studying human behaviors and facilitating soul healing sessions with people, it is a journey through my own challenges with interpersonal relationships.

The good news from all of this is the book is receiving notable attention with publishers and agents. We were asked to participate in the London Book Fair and the Los Angeles Times Book Fair. I am in contract negotiations currently. I am thankful for the opportunity and for this book to reach the masses. If you have not picked up your copy, you can grab it here: https://a.co/d/bbxRSut. It has a 5 star rating and our editorial preview gave it a 10/10. People have stated it’s a must read!

What a journey!

I’ve been writing since I was a child. It’s been one of my dreams to share insight and hopefully wisdom with people through literary work. As I’ve grown into an adult, I became passionate about helping people heal from traumatic relationships and cultivate healthier ones. Relationships can elevate or derail our lives. We are not victims to toxic relationships or mediocre ones. We get to choose.

I truly believe one of my reasons for being alive is to speak to this area. A chunk of what I learned in communities of faith about relationships was based on the culture, not the actual teachings or lifestyle of Jesus. Therefore, I and others had sub par relationships and attributed it to God teaching us how to love. Suffering in relationships became the goal, not thriving in them. I heard people teach that the goal of marriage was to make you holy, and the bible says no such thing. The bible states it is the role of the Holy Spirit to make you and I holy. I’ve watched people I deeply care for suffer through divorce or abuse in relationships. We can have better!! God longs to give us better relationships.

I hope this book assists people with having a healthier view of themselves, a healthier view of relationships, and it helps to mitigate marrying/dating/befriending the wrong people. I hope women especially are helped to bypass settling for less than what God would give them. God does not give bad gifts. I sincerely believe it is not God’s objective that we suffer in every relationship. Suffering is a byproduct of sin. There is no sin in God, nor in heaven.

If you’re in London (UK) or LA (USA), you may see me in the months to come. If there is a book signing, please stop by and say hello. I would love to greet you in person. Thank you for your support of this blog over the years! You are appreciated. I plan to carve out more time this year to blog.

If you’d like to stay up to speed with what’s happening with new books, products, programs, please join us on https://www.empowered-free.com/. The link provided is my business website.

What else is upcoming?

I am launching an online wellness community for girls and women Feb 1 entitled “Healthy, Wealthy, Confident & Free!” There are 7 pillars of focus and they are as follows: healthy mindset, get wisdom, nourish the body, emotional healing, confidence, healthy relationships, and building wealth. We will meet monthly for 7 months-1rst Saturdays of the month. Also included in the program will be monthly focus workbooks, exclusive membership to a private Facebook community, and recordings of sessions. You may sign up here: https://www.empowered-free.com/product-page/healthy-wealthy-confident-free-program.

I hope you either join us in the wellness community or pick up Relationships 101 on Amazon.com (https://a.co/d/jdq3i96https://a.co/d/iCP111t).

Once again thank you and God bless you! God bless you, keep you, and his face shine brilliantly upon you.

Love,

Erin Lamb

Understanding Mutual Love in Relationships

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Photo: Erin Lamb Author 2024

If you’re like me, you were taught to love other people-even at the expense of yourself. Love was modeled in a sacrificial way; it was viewed as selfish to desire anything in return. We were taught to be the “givers” in relationships. No one taught me directly that God desired mutuality in my relationships with other people or at church. The more you offered of yourself, the more people clapped. God was to meet your needs while you were meeting the needs of others. One day it dawned on me, “If I am to get all my needs met by God, why can’t these other people do the same?”

I’ve encountered a number of women in my lifetime who view themselves as “the help” or “the helper.” People read Genesis and tell women they are the “helper” to man. From the translation of the Bible into English until today, women have been considered “the help.” Actually, it began the moment Adam sinned. God warned Eve that Adam would seek to rule over her (because of sin) and she would seek to please him (because of sin). It was not God’s original design. Nor did God name Eve “the helper.” He called her ezer kenegdo. Which has a far more meaningful and powerful definition.

Ezer kenegdo: [Genesis 2:18 can be translated as “I will make a power [or strength] corresponding to man.”…What God had intended, then, was to make a “power” or “strength” for the man who would in every way “correspond to him” or even “be his equal.””]-God’s Word to Women.

I’ve worked with countless women in relationships with men who treat them as their subordinate or they use weaponized incompetence (they pretend they are unable to do certain tasks so their wives are overwhelmed with household tasks or caring for their kids). Mistreating women, treating them as inferior is seen as “normal” or “God’s idea,” when it’s not. The mistreatment of any human being can be tied back to sin. Selfishness is sin. Sexism is sin. Treating people like they are our slaves is not love. God is love.

I love that Jesus told his disciples to not be like the leaders in the world who seek to rule over others, that the greatest among them would be a servant. Jesus encouraged MUTUAL love, MUTUAL respect, and agape love (unselfish, sacrificial love). The intention was not that in all our relationships we would behave and love like Jesus while everyone else gets to be Judas. Jesus had genuine friendships: Mary, Martha, John and several women supported his ministry financially. He loved the entire world, yet only a few demonstrated that love in return.

I had to learn from God that the desire of His heart was not for me to have more people similar to Judas and Saul sitting around my table. He actually desired there would be people who value me the person, not how I can mentor them for free, invest in their lives with zero reciprocation, give while they consume, or to be in cycles of mistreatment. I had to learn that love without wisdom can be likened to foolishness. I endured relationships with people who should have only been ministry opportunities, not friendships. People violated my trust, heart, time, investments in them, and then could easily skip off into the sunset. Some left quietly, while some insulted me on the way out the door.

I had to make a choice to keep enduring those types of relationships, or to step away from tables where I was either starving to death or being poisoned. It does not mean all those people were bad human beings. It means they were not and are not the right people for me. I made the decision that I desired God’s best in relationships. I continued to do ministry, and separated people I serve in a ministry capacity from my friends.

I changed. I had to change. I did not desire to get to the end of my life and not experience the best God had to offer. I was also tired of wishy washy, fair weather friends, people who only showed up for their needs/prayer, and when it was convenient for them. I wanted better. I desired better. I wanted to experience genuine God love in numerous relationships before I died. I also no longer wanted to waste the gifts or time God gave me on people who would not value what was given to them.

What has been the outcome? I have people in my life now or those who remained who show up simply to bless me. People who reach out to say, “How are you? What can I do for you? How can I pray for you?” I’ve been invited to beautiful luncheons, given free suite/box seats at sports events, promoted numerous times at my newest job, and my office has an entire section with cards from people with kind notes. I am valued. I am loved. I am appreciated. I am not “the help.” I don’t have to beg for respect, love, attention, affection, or support. It’s freely given. More doors of opportunity have opened. My health has improved. The warfare in my life has lessened. I have zero relational drama. I have fun! I feel a level of safety in the connections around me. I do not believe they are smiling in my face while discussing me negatively behind closed doors. I am not traumatized or in cycles of being mistreated and them asking for forgiveness. They know how to steward my heart.

If you genuinely love people, trust God desires to place people in your life who KNOW how to love you. Trust that God desires His best for you, not just for you to be the best for everyone else. God is good. I had to learn that God did not orchestrate every relationship I had-even with professing Christians. Some of the Christians I’ve encountered in my lifetime have treated me the worst. Then they show up years later with a sad apology. Are they forgiven? Yes! Do I desire them back in my life. NO! I’d prefer to be set on fire or run over by a bus 50 times. There are people we are called to pray for, forgive, and then MOVE ON!

I hope you pick up Relationships 101: Foundational Wisdom for Better Relationships. I put my heart and soul into this book. My two favorite chapters right now are “Get Wisdom,” and “A Healthy Relationship Starts with You.” We can have better. We can have genuine love. We can have thriving friendships. We can experience God love through another person. The first step is to receive God’s love for ourselves. The second is to stop settling for less than God’s best! I’ve yet to meet anyone grateful they settled in life. You don’t have to settle.

If you don’t know how to treat people, the book provides tools for you too.

Get your copy of Relationships 101 today: https://a.co/d/6XFZvyj

Love,

Erin Lamb

Founder & CEO of Lamb Enterprises LLC

Relationships 101 Book Release

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This book has been a labor of love. Mainly because it contains stories from my own relationships and journey, as well as some from soul health clients. I cannot think of anything that can negatively or positively impact a life more than relationships. I believe we were created to have thriving relationships, yet it can be the most stressful parts of a person’s life. I had to learn some lessons the hard way and I call those wisdom bumps. You don’t need to learn everything via suffering. You can learn from my experiences and those of my clients.

Several of my favorite chapters are, “A Healthy Relationship Starts with You,” “Stop Talking to Snakes,” “Are You Watering Dead Plants,” and “Where is He Leading You.” I have an entire section devoted to the interesting characters. It focuses on the “God told me,” people and narcissists. It covers the breadcrumbers (the people who do just enough to keep you connected, yet they invest nothing substantial in you). There is a section on green flags and how to spot a healthy relationship. I put my heart and soul into this book. It covers family, work, friendship, dating, and marriage.

I’ve worked with countless couples in soul healing to see their marriages restored. All but 1 reconciled. The one couple that did not reconcile was because he preferred to be with men. I believe numerous relationships can be restored. Those that cannot, we can learn from them.

I learned I was an overinvestor. I desired to love people the way God loves me and in the end it left me with major deficits in my life. I invested in people while receiving little to nothing in return. I am worth more than that. I also forgave people over and over who mistreated me, yet they were not repentant nor of high quality. I accepted less than what I wanted in relationships. I was a blessing to people who were not a blessing in return. It sounds noble to be selfless, yet I will tell you confidently that God desires more for you!

There is a chapter called Pivot and I had to pivot. I changed. I removed some connections, changed my phone number, stopped being the initiator, ceased giving people countless chances to use/abuse me, and I stopped settling (there is an entire chapter devoted to settling). It’s vital we know what we want, know our own value/worth, and we stop settling for less!

The eBook was released last week and the paperback will be available within the next week. I hope you grab a copy and share with friends.

Link to pick up the eBook: https://a.co/d/5Mryfc4

With Kind Regards,

Erin Lamb

Founder & CEO of Lamb Enterprises LLC and Operation God is Love

Relationships 101 Book Coming…

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Looking back over my life, I’ve made decisions to love people far more than they’ve loved or demonstrated to me. This sacrificial, never demanding reciprocation type, love was applauded by Christians around me. What I learned was (overall) there were not as many people looking out for my best interests on a consistent basis, nor my well-being, my mental/emotional health, or even what I desired out of relationships.

The guidance was, “If you do all these sacrificial things for the church, community, or other people…God will take care of you. God will meet all your needs. Therefore, you should be proud that you invest so much of your self in others while expecting nothing in return.”

It sounds so lovely! Part is true; another part forsakes wisdom.

Love is not selfish. Love pursues the highest good for others. Love does what is honoring. The part that is missing is God is not requiring us to be friends with, date, or marry people who are consumers in our lives. The “God is so proud of you, yet ask nothing of me in return,” is a way for people to make sure they or their church/ministry are benefited with little to no requirements to do anything in return. The lie told is that “you are doing this for God so it’s what God wants for you.”

I have learned throughout my life plenty of people put God’s name on what benefits their best interests and desires. God desires you serve until you’re burned out, instead of God provides you with a brain and wisdom. Therefore, examine what is reasonable and do not over extend yourself. God desires you give as much money as you can to the church and God will repay you. Truth is that church or ministry desires your funds and only if you give with the right motives will it be credited to you. You are not to give under compulsion.

The truth is as follows: God actually desires that we are in healthy, reciprocal relationships that are life giving. God desires we are loved in return. In a friendship, dating, or marriage there should be some reciprocation, mutual investment, mutual respect and care.

There is a difference between ministry, charity, and a friendship. Ministry and charity involve serving in many capacities without receiving anything in return. A relationship is a partnership of two people who mutually invest, support, and give love. It’s not intended to be persistent one sidedness in dating, friendship, or marriage. Yes, there may be a season or seasons where people cannot reciprocate; they are sick, deployed somewhere else, or they cannot invest any time/love/support. It is abnormal to be connected in relationships with people who do nothing but receive (unless it is a baby/child).

What about God? Does He give to us expecting nothing in return. People say “God expects nothing.” In relationship with God, God asks for faithfulness, faith, love, loyalty, that we listen to sound guidance, to go through His Son, and for our entire lives. God loves everyone! God is NOT in a relationship with everyone. Jesus ministered to many people with deep love who never chose Him. They never reciprocated love. They never turned towards Him. And while people will tell you that those people are in a relationship with Jesus, God does not force connection. Jesus said, “whoever desires to be my disciple must deny themselves, pick up their cross and follow me.” Meaning, “I am requiring something of you to be in relationship with me.”

Though people say you cannot waste time, any love you give cannot and is not wasted, I disagree. I do believe if we love with pure intentions there is reward from God. I also believe we can waste our own time by dating the wrong people, befriending the wrong people, and marrying the wrong person. I have had copious client’s suffering through horrible relationships; they are stressed, burned out, and depressed.

I do not believe God ordains all these tumultuous relationships to teach people something or break them down so far they cry out for help. I think humans, myself included, choose people or allow people to choose us who are not for our greatest good. Once in the relationship there is a desire for God to bless it. Yes, there is one known relationship I’ve read of in the Bible where God encouraged a prophet to marry someone we would not consider marriage material. I don’t believe God is ordaining every dysfunctional relationship.

I hope my next book, Relationships 101, helps people to forgo wasting their time, energy, gifts, heart with people who will not properly steward those things. The plan is to launch the book later this year!

God wants the best, not sub par relationships for you!

Warmly,

Erin Lamb

The King’s Daughter

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Parable: The King’s Daughter

The King sent his daughter into neighboring countries for diplomatic service. She was not adorned in royal garb. She blended into the crowds. She was there to serve and bless the town’s people. They soon recognized her generosity and made plans for exploitation. They could get their needs met without offering much or anything in return. They offered her what had the least or no value in exchange for her best offers.

They mocked her in private, and some to her face. They gossiped, and tried to sully her reputation. Obviously she was either stupid, weak, or had an ulterior motive. They worked against her efforts to help their poorest citizens. They needed the poor to feel good about themselves, “At least we are not like those people.” Some helped and were generous too. Many were offended by the expressions of kindness.

The daughter of the king kept showing up to serve, give, love. Even when those offerings from her father’s table were trampled under foot.

One day the king appeared and found his daughter. “Come with me,” he said. “I have other countries that desperately need what we have to offer. You do not need to to stay where the gifts are unwanted. Pack your things. We will leave today. I did not send you here for exploitation.”

The daughter packed her things and departed with her father. Though the town’s people did not value what was given to them, they were full of rage that the king’s daughter departed. How dare she. She owed them. They were entitled to receive from the king’s table.

They demanded she return. She did not. She and the king took their gifts, generosity, and blessings to other countries. The people in other countries were open to the king’s decrees. They rejoiced that the king chose their town to be recipients of his goodness.

The king’s daughter flourished in her new assignments. She made new alliances and assisted the king in building an empire focused on loving people. The daughter learned a valuable lesson; do not waste your gifts on those who do not appreciate them.

Warmly,

Erin L Lamb

When You Change the Access to You-Everything Changes

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"Not everyone deserves that much access to you". My sweet sweet ...

I am breaking from the myths about God to discuss relationships. There is a well known quote that reads, “Show me your friends, and I will show you your future.”

Recently I was listening to an apostle/pastor from Africa and he said something that stuck with me. He said, “If you have loads of people around you, you may feel popular. It does not mean you are popular. It means you are careless. You do not place enough value on who you are and therefore, you provide everyone access to you.”

I have lived this careless life. I wanted to desperately love people and share with them all that God was to me. I desired God love through me for other people to encounter His great love.

It sounds beautiful, doesn’t it? To love the world the way God loves us. It’s certainly biblical. Yeshua stated, “Go love your neighbors and love your enemies. Go into all the world and tell them who I am. God show them who I am. Go and be an example of my light and love to the world. They will know my true followers by their love.” Ah, the eloquent and lovely words of Jesus.

These words, if they are not coupled with wisdom and discernment, have the capability to destroy your life. The same bible that tells you to love your neighbor as your self also proclaims that “a companion of fools suffers harm” and “how can two be joined together unless they agree.” Wisdom and love are not separated with God. There were people Jesus avoided until His appointed time because He knew they desired to kill Him. There were times that He separated Himself from the crowds and the people who clamored for space next to Him. He was loving, purposeful, and wise.

I have spent years of my life forsaking wisdom with my attempts to love. I simply showered love on people. I gave people access to my home in bible studies. Some destroyed my carpet, some broke my heart, some betrayed me, and some gossiped. People will tell you that what you are doing is for the glory of God so it does not matter if people destroy you or your things. If they harm you, God will heal and restore you. Here is the part people leave out. God DOES NOT desire you are destroyed in the process of loving people AND you get to decide the level of access people have to you.

There is the popular minister, who’s name I won’t say here, that I befriended on Facebook. After a week or so, he realized he did not know me. He accepted my friend request because we had mutual friends in common. You know what he did? He unfriended me. He did not have a conversation with me. He did not ask about my feelings. He simply deleted my access to his personal FB page. He had the right to do that, as I am not his real friend.

I, in my unwise attempts to love people, have given people way more access to my life, time, resources, gifts, talents, intercessory covering, friendship, etc…than they demonstrated they could steward well. In return it was not met with some horrible situations. Why might you suppose? Because when you give too much of yourself to other people without limits, you teach them not to value you. People value what is scarce, expensive, just a bit out of their reach.

People disrespect what is common, too available, too generous, and abundance. I say this with the caveat that there are people who appreciate and value what is abundant in their lives. It’s not the normal, sinful nature of mankind to value what is abundant. Look what humans have done to the environment, other humans, and the earth. They have exploited it and other humans.

What is my point? It is unwise to provide everyone access. It unwise to forsake healthy boundaries and limits. It is unwise to provide abundance for people without wisdom. It is wise to have criteria for who has access to your life, information about your life, and who you partner with in ministry or anything else.

Every person and everything you say yes to is a no to something else. Are you wasting your life on people who are not tied to your purpose or destiny? I wasted years of my life fighting battles with people that were absolutely unnecessary. They are long gone. They ditched me and moved on with their lives. They left behind messes they did not clean up because of course that’s “God’s job.” One of the greatest relational lies I have witnessed in western Christianity is, “If you are the martyr in relationships and you are harmed, God is delighted and will fix you right up.” It can take years of soul healing to recover from one bad relationship. I believe God desires we exercise wisdom with who has access to our lives.

My life is rapidly changing because the wide nets I cast to ensure everyone was loved, included, cared for…has shifted to, “Is it wise for me to invest here? Is the Spirit of God calling me to invest in this person or thing, or am I in a mindset of over giving and forsaking wisdom.”

It is not true that setting limits with people means you don’t love them. It is not true that boundaries make you evil and uncaring. What it means is you value yourself. What it means is you value the destiny God placed inside you and it is important to you. What is means is you value your life and desire to make the most of your life. It means you love yourself. God actually desires that you love yourself.

You don’t owe everyone access. Trust is earned. Friendship is a gift, not a privilege. The ability to know what is going on in your heart, life, family, and business is not for everyone. Your story is not up for grabs by everyone. You control how much of yourself, your time, and your life you give to other people. God expects that you and I to guard our hearts. We are expected to guard the access to the most precious parts of ourselves. Don’t look to others to do it for you.

Lastly examine who you have given access to your life. Are they adding any value? Or are they simply taking up time and space? If you look at the 5 people you spend most of your time with, do you desire to be like them. Are you inspired or tired? Are you growing or fighting off unnecessary drama? Are you moving closer to becoming who God created you to be or are you perpetually distracted?

I hope you stay tuned in to posts. They are leading up to the fourth book-Relationships 101. I have learned quite a bit over the years and hope something shared is helpful and blesses you.

Warm Regards,

Erin Lamb

Author & CEO of Lamb Enterprises LLC

Empowered-Free.com

Moving Into Greater Levels of Compassion

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It is quite easy to be critical and judge. It is so easy to throw stones at other people and not see the plank in our own eyes. Why? We see in part and know in part. We can think we know and know nothing. God does not simply see the behaviors of humanity; God sees why people do what they do.

How many of you have been harmed greatly by someone who seemed to not get what the problem is? How many of you have been harmed by a professing Christian? Ah, it stings a bit more when they claim to love Jesus and do not love others right? Yet there is a part of the puzzle God sees that we may not. God sees how much of His love they have actually received. We can only give away what we possess.

We tell people to love God and others. “Love God, love others, love yourself last.” This mantra has led to loads of dysfunctional and sometimes codependent relationships. “I will love myself last and God will be so proud.” Well, it sounds noble. The problem is that is it is not biblical.

The Bible says we love because God first loves us (1 John 4:19). The starting point is God. God is love (1 John 4:8).

God is the source of agape (unselfish, sacrificial, unwavering love). This love is the highest of all loves. It trumps eros (romantic/sexual), philia (brotherly love), and storage (family love). Jesus stated His disciples would be known by their agape love (John 13:34-35). This love is the 1 Corinthians 13 type of love.

The next step is receiving God’s love, then giving that love back to God and loving our neighbor AS we love ourselves (Matthew 22:37-39). We will not be able to love God or our neighbor if we do not FIRST RECEIVE agape from God. “God here I am in need of your love, help me to receive the fullness of your love for me,” is a great starting prayer.

It is so vital that we learn how to receive love from God and believe God loves us.

Our thoughts matter! We will not out behave our thought life. Those who think they are the scum of the earth tend to treat others poorly. Those who have not fully accepted they are profoundly loved and accepted by God tend to struggle with loving God, themselves, and others. Your greatest adversary lacks God love. The person who mistreated or abused you lacked God love. The people who dishonored you, they lacked God love.

We cannot give away what we do not possess.

When we move beyond judging behavior to recognizing the root, compassion fills our heart. We move from being critical to praying the other person knows intimately the height, depth, width, and vast expanse of God’s love. We can only reveal to others the God we know. We can only honor others when we have experienced His honor and approval.

When people ask “How could you sit with the homeless, they are so dirty and gross?” I think, “How could I not? I see someone God created with great love. Under all the dirt, is a treasure.” I can honor what society calls, “The least of them,” because I know how much God loves me. If I were dirty and on the streets, I would anticipate God sending someone to love me. I am greatly loved, so are they, and so are you.

Jesus was able to move in high levels of compassion because He was one with the Father. He was not led by His flesh. Jesus knew how greatly He was loved, therefore He could take the lowest place. He could honor the least, last, lost, sinners, and lepers of society because He knew His worth. Those who do not know their own worth or value will not be able to see yours or anyone else’s.

One of the greatest revelations I had from God regarding people was during a season I was being grossly mistreated by Christians. God spoke to my heart, “People will not treat you any better than they treat me. People can not give you what they do not possess.” I recognized in that moment people say they love God, yet if you observe them, some do not honor, cherish, respect, obey, listen to God, etc… For some people, God is their sugar daddy or fire insurance. Loving God to gain something from Him is not loving God.

You can tell quite a bit about how a person feels about themselves by how they treat other people.

You can also gain insight into how people will treat you if you look at how they treat God. If God is only pursued to gain something, that is how they will treat you.

I am learning not to take things personally. How people behave, myself included, is a reflection of the inner condition. Those who know they are loved, love well. Those who try to “fake it til they make it,” tend to hurt tons of people because their love is shallow or deficient.

Before we throw stones, get offended, or hurt by people, pause. Press pause and ask God for His view point of the person, situation, and what is not as visibly seen.

I had a friend chat with me about missing friend gatherings. More than my introversion, there is normally a reason aligned with everything I say no to. Instead of taking on offense, he asked me about it and we talked. His heart grew with compassion.

The evil one will tell you to judge, jump to conclusions, criticize people, be nasty, look for all the things the other person is doing that could be wrong. Love moves us deeper into compassion. Maybe, most likely, there is something more going on than meets the eye.

May you and I sink deeper into compassion. It is a fruit of God’s love.

“…when he (Jesus) saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion for them, because they were distressed and scattered, as sheep not having a shepherd,”-Matthew 9:36.

I hope to release book 4, Killing Insecurity, either later this year or 2021! I hope it leads many into freedom. God longs to see us live bold, confident, and FREE!!

Love,

Erin Lamb

P.S You can support our mission to love the homeless, poor, and victims of human trafficking by supporting our new merch store. Go to empoweredandfreemerch.com.

We cannot do eberything, we can do something!

When Pastors Abuse

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I wish Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse was not a book I needed to write. Why? I wish “church” was always a place of love, safety, and God’s goodness. I wish the organized “church” looked and loved just like Jesus.

Jesus is perfect theology and God is love. There is no abuse in love. There is no manipulation or dominance in love. There is no control in love. There is nothing perverse, sexually inappropriate, or lustful in love.

I use quotes for the “church” because truly God’s church is not a weekend service or organization, it is a body of people yielded to God. Jesus stated His followers would be known by their agape love (pure, sacrificial, and unselfish love). Abuse is not love and not of God. God will separate His true church from what is false.

Part of what I do is called deep inner healing. It’s not SOZO for those who are in the charismatic church. It’s inviting God into memories throughout a person’s life to interject truth, expose lies, deal with pain, and negative emotions. I do not interject memories. We deal with what God reveals to a person that needs to be healed.

Over the years I have heard the worst of the worst of stories; stories that make Steven King movies appear tame. I deal with people who have been severely damaged and abused to the point of dissociation (they fracture into multiple personalities). I hate to admit that some of the perpetrators claimed to be Christians. Some were pastors or deacons. Some had high levels of influence. They used their status and influence to exploit, manipulate, abuse, or molest others.

Some churches have encouraged hiding the sins of the pastors or the “church”. If anyone knew it could damage the “church” reputation. Holding onto this mindset helped to enable thousands of pastors to continue to abuse people in silence. It is ungodly to enable sin. What you hide, enables abuse to continue. It sends a message, “Please come and abuse people here. We will keep your secrets and forgive. We will pretend that nothing happened.” Some “church” leaders don’t recognize forgiveness is not ENABLING! Forgiveness is supposed to be coupled with repentance. To repent is to change one’s mind, not offer a sloppy sorry because you were caught.

In Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse I talk about the boundaries churches need in place to prevent a set up for a scandal.

  • Background checks on every leader. If you are a pedophile, you are not qualified to lead. Period.
  • Men should not counsel women in closed door, behind the scenes situations or off hours. And vice versa with women counseling men. “Counseling,” has led numerous people into sexual misconduct. Have a two person system. If you must have a one on one, one pastor I knew had a glass office door and his admin would sit outside. She could not hear, she could see what was going on in the session. I do not do deep inner healing sessions by myself in person. I have an assistant. If it’s through Skype, it’s recorded.
  • Check in on pastors and their mental, spiritual, and emotional health. Some are burnt out and not connecting with God. They serve, yet they are not working on their own relationship with God. Check in and have accountability systems.
  • Set up situations where leaders are never alone with someone else’s child. Children’s ministry should have two people not related caring for kids. They all need background checks too!
  • Teach your children proper boundaries. Just because a person claims to be a Christian does not mean they are safe. Teach your children about inappropriate touch and they can tell you anything. It’s sad, yet many children are threatened with getting in trouble if they tell.
  • Cease trusting people just because they claim to be a Christian or clergy!! This one is big.

I knew a lady who’s pastor invited her out to a bar then began to sexually proposition her. Well, first thing is this-I am not meeting my pastor alone anywhere!! Let alone a bar. Secondly, the moment he propositioned me for sex he would have been rebuked and then turned into the church board. This pastor had a history of hitting on women at the church, sleeping with them, then getting up preaching on Sunday. He would also remove parts of scripture that talked about sexual immorality.

What we permit, we promote! Let me repeat that, “What we permit, we promote.” This woman wanted to love, forgive, and pray for her pastor. Awesome! Yes, forgive. Also rebuke the sexual advances and let someone know so he cannot prey on anyone else. Some women have been so brainwashed with false teachings on submitting to authority that they easily give in to what is ungodly. He’s my pastor, I have to do this. NO!!!! You are sinning and God still hold you accountable. “My pastor told me,” does not fly in heaven.

What are you and I going to do to help stop abuse in the church? We cannot change other people. We can ask God for our part! Writing this book and helping victims of abuse is part of my part. It’s also my part to say something if I see something inappropriate.

I regret not listening to my instincts years ago. I noticed a male minister always playing with the little girls. He was in his 50s. They were 7 to 14 years old. I did not wish to judge him. I thought I was being overly suspicious. I looked the other way though it bugged me. Later it was revealed he was grooming young teen girls for sex. He eventually married a teenage girl in an impoverished nation by grooming her parents as well. He was eventually removed from ministry. Could I have helped if I said something early on? I don’t know. I had no proof. It just creeped me out. I wish I had said something.

My encouragement is this, “Please don’t turn a blind eye to abuse, control, manipulation, or sexual sin.” God is loving, gracious, kind, and forgiving. God also highly values people. If we allow abuse we violate God’s love. Being passive is easy. Being passive is not godly.

I see the aftermath in sessions with people. I see how the abuse wounded their views of themselves, of God, of the church. I see the horror and the agony the victims of abuse carry.

Let’s have honest conversations about abuse in the church. Let’s have boundaries that keep people safe. Let’s stop teaching that submission is doing whatever is asked of you. It’s not! Godly submission is being willing to yield to what honors God. It does not mean obey. Let’s teach young children and teens about appropriate and inappropriate touch. Let’s teach everyone about healthy boundaries. No I am not meeting a man alone in his home for ministry. I do not have them come to my house either. Why? I have no desire to be a victim of rape nor to appear to be doing something inappropriate. I don’t meet men at bars to talk about ministry. I don’t sin with them.

Several stories came out this week of men in Christian leadership exposed for sexual misconduct. Those women could have helped themselves by saying, “No I am not sinning with you. No I am not meeting you somewhere alone with no witnesses.” I am not trying to blame them. I feel compassion for them. I am saying in this day and age, we must use wisdom. I am not traveling to my pastors house alone. I will meet you in a public place with witnesses. No I am not sinning with you and submitting to what dishonors me or my relationship with Jesus. Boundaries help protect what has value. It’s far more difficult for sexual assault to happen in a public place with loads of witnesses.

If you have been abused sexually, physically, emotionally, spiritually (spiritual abuse is another one that is high in clients I see), manipulated, controlled, or mistreated by clergy or professing Christians, I am so sorry! It is not the heart of God and He hates abused. I pray your heart is healed and restored. God loves you! I can also confidently say that God gives beauty for ashes and binds up the wounds of the broken hearted! You are greatly loved.

Warmly,

Erin Lamb

Empowered-Free.com

EmpoweredandFreeMerch.com

OperationGodisLove.org

God is Not the Problem. God=Love. People Misrepresenting God is the Problem.

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Some people are angry with God or Christianity. They have their horror stories that normally fall back on 1. Someone who claimed to know God treated them horribly or 2. God did not perform the way they wanted or agree with their line of thinking.

They did not get their way or the miracle they wanted, so obviously God is bad. I cannot explain why God does not prevent every disappointment or hurt. I do know God gave humanity the ability to choose and some people choose unwisely.

I talk about God’s heart towards humanity in all my books. I hope they help people see God is not the monster hiding in the dark with lightening bolts to strike them.

God is not the problem, sin is and misunderstanding the Bible or the character of God. We must understand that the God of Christianity is love. The greatest commandment Jesus gave His followers was, “Love God and love your neighbor as you love yourself.” Love fulfills God’s law because it seeks to do no harm to it’s neighbor (Romans 13:10).

God love is not like human love that is based on feelings or agreement. There are people who believe that love is giving them everything they desire even if it us harmful. There are people who believe that love means absolute agreement. It does not. God is holy, without sin. Therefore, God can love us deeply and not agree with our poor choices that fall outside His boundaries. Disagreement is not hatred. God hates sin because sin destroys people. God loves people.

God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son (1 John 3:16). God loves the entire world, even those who do not love in return. It does not mean that God agrees with everything humanity does. Nor does it mean God accepts everything. God cannot agree with or accept sin because it is opposite of His nature. As stated before, God is holy (without any sin).

What about all these nasty Christians online or in your life. If God is love, why are you encountering hateful or bigoted/racist/sexist/prejudice/angry/hostile/mean/hurtful/abusive/selfish/unkind professing Christians? People can claim God all day long yet the Bible state plainly a tree can be known by it’s fruit. Jesus stated those who knew Him would love as He loves. The Bible also states that those who do not love do not know God (1 John 4:8).

This agape love is a byproduct of intimacy (knowing) with God. We imitate the God we know. There are people who are immature (immaturity is marked by selfishness), carnal (also marked by selfishness), or who struggle greatly with insecurity (insecure people can cause great damage because they need someone to be inferior to feel superior). Unfortunately there are some “Christians” who suffer from self righteousness or a holier than though complex.

The true Church, God, nor Jesus hurt you. A sinful person claiming to know God hurt you. One of the steps to healing is understanding people are NOT God and many falsely represent God and some grossly misunderstand or misinterpret the Bible. Some are immature or insecure Christians. Some are carnal. Some simply slipped out of abiding in the love of God.

God is good. God is holy. God loves people. If our view of the Bible does not align with the character of God then most likely we are wrong in our interpretation of the Bible or our definition of love/goodness. Some view love as agreeing on everything, no consequences for their actions, and approval-that is not the same as love. God love is unselfish, holy, pure, involves accountability, and is full of truth.

I repeat God is love-sacrificial, unselfish love. God is not petty, mean, selfish, flakey, rude, racist, prejudice, sexist, bigoted, harmful, nor awful. God is not the problem. People claiming to know God without full surrender to God are the issue. Jesus only did what He saw the Father doing. He lived a surrendered life!

I pray we heal from awful acting Christians. Forgive them. Release them to God. People can only give away the love they possess. Pray God gives them a good dunking in His love. If your heart is still hurting or wounded, I want you to get your soul healed! It is possible to heal from being grossly mistreated or abused by Christians or clergy.

I hope you surrender all the pain to God and get to know Him for yourself. God loves you deeply and profoundly.

Join the Get Your Soul Healed Tribe:

If you wish for help to process through the pain, you can join my 8 week study and freedom group. It’s no cost to join. You simply need to grab a copy of the new book and the study guide. The study guide is only $6.99. Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse Book and Study Guide. Once you grab the study guide, I will add you to the closed and private group. Sessions start August 1! At 7pm EST this Thursday night I will kick off the study! I hope to see you there. Soul healing activations are a part of the group.

If you do not join the group, I hope to see you at one of the upcoming book signings in Ohio! Come say hello and enter to win some great prizes!!

You are so deeply loved!

Warmly,

Erin Lamb

Empowered-Free.com

Empoweredandfreemerch.com

OperationGodisLove.org

Join the Book Club!

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I am passionate about helping people step into freedom. You and I do not have to hobble through life broken. It’s time to heal! Let’s heal together.

I am launching an Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse study book club on August 1, 2019.

This closed Facebook group will include additional video teachings, discussion, Q/A, and more!

What do you need to join the group?

1. Access to Facebook.

2. To purchase the study guide (only available at https://www.empowered-free.com/shop).

3. Get a copy of the book (Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse on Amazon.com) or (Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse on Empowered & Free).

Once you purchase the study guide, only $6.99, you will be sent a request to join the community/group.

We will discuss challenging questions like where is God when abuse happens? Does forgiveness heal everything? What to do when you have forgiven and you still can’t stand that person? Wrong teachings from the Bible that create circumstances for abuse, how to get your soul healed, preventing abuse, and MORE!

I hope you join the group and to connect with you soon!

Warmly,

Erin Lamb

P. S one of the book signings will be in Powell, Ohio on August 19th, 2019 (11am-1pm). More details to come.