Tag: dating

London Book Fair & LA Times Book Fair

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Relationships 101: Foundational Wisdom for Better Relationships is a book that was a labor of love. As stated I was watching my father slowly decline while writing this book, and he passed away in June 2024. I’ve also endured sub par relationships with people hoping to reveal to them the love of God. I put up with mistreatment at times, connections with people who demonstrated they did not possess the same values, and I was known for giving far more than I received in connections with people. Relationships 101 not only provides insight from studying human behaviors and facilitating soul healing sessions with people, it is a journey through my own challenges with interpersonal relationships.

The good news from all of this is the book is receiving notable attention with publishers and agents. We were asked to participate in the London Book Fair and the Los Angeles Times Book Fair. I am in contract negotiations currently. I am thankful for the opportunity and for this book to reach the masses. If you have not picked up your copy, you can grab it here: https://a.co/d/bbxRSut. It has a 5 star rating and our editorial preview gave it a 10/10. People have stated it’s a must read!

What a journey!

I’ve been writing since I was a child. It’s been one of my dreams to share insight and hopefully wisdom with people through literary work. As I’ve grown into an adult, I became passionate about helping people heal from traumatic relationships and cultivate healthier ones. Relationships can elevate or derail our lives. We are not victims to toxic relationships or mediocre ones. We get to choose.

I truly believe one of my reasons for being alive is to speak to this area. A chunk of what I learned in communities of faith about relationships was based on the culture, not the actual teachings or lifestyle of Jesus. Therefore, I and others had sub par relationships and attributed it to God teaching us how to love. Suffering in relationships became the goal, not thriving in them. I heard people teach that the goal of marriage was to make you holy, and the bible says no such thing. The bible states it is the role of the Holy Spirit to make you and I holy. I’ve watched people I deeply care for suffer through divorce or abuse in relationships. We can have better!! God longs to give us better relationships.

I hope this book assists people with having a healthier view of themselves, a healthier view of relationships, and it helps to mitigate marrying/dating/befriending the wrong people. I hope women especially are helped to bypass settling for less than what God would give them. God does not give bad gifts. I sincerely believe it is not God’s objective that we suffer in every relationship. Suffering is a byproduct of sin. There is no sin in God, nor in heaven.

If you’re in London (UK) or LA (USA), you may see me in the months to come. If there is a book signing, please stop by and say hello. I would love to greet you in person. Thank you for your support of this blog over the years! You are appreciated. I plan to carve out more time this year to blog.

If you’d like to stay up to speed with what’s happening with new books, products, programs, please join us on https://www.empowered-free.com/. The link provided is my business website.

What else is upcoming?

I am launching an online wellness community for girls and women Feb 1 entitled “Healthy, Wealthy, Confident & Free!” There are 7 pillars of focus and they are as follows: healthy mindset, get wisdom, nourish the body, emotional healing, confidence, healthy relationships, and building wealth. We will meet monthly for 7 months-1rst Saturdays of the month. Also included in the program will be monthly focus workbooks, exclusive membership to a private Facebook community, and recordings of sessions. You may sign up here: https://www.empowered-free.com/product-page/healthy-wealthy-confident-free-program.

I hope you either join us in the wellness community or pick up Relationships 101 on Amazon.com (https://a.co/d/jdq3i96https://a.co/d/iCP111t).

Once again thank you and God bless you! God bless you, keep you, and his face shine brilliantly upon you.

Love,

Erin Lamb

Relationships 101 Book Release

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This book has been a labor of love. Mainly because it contains stories from my own relationships and journey, as well as some from soul health clients. I cannot think of anything that can negatively or positively impact a life more than relationships. I believe we were created to have thriving relationships, yet it can be the most stressful parts of a person’s life. I had to learn some lessons the hard way and I call those wisdom bumps. You don’t need to learn everything via suffering. You can learn from my experiences and those of my clients.

Several of my favorite chapters are, “A Healthy Relationship Starts with You,” “Stop Talking to Snakes,” “Are You Watering Dead Plants,” and “Where is He Leading You.” I have an entire section devoted to the interesting characters. It focuses on the “God told me,” people and narcissists. It covers the breadcrumbers (the people who do just enough to keep you connected, yet they invest nothing substantial in you). There is a section on green flags and how to spot a healthy relationship. I put my heart and soul into this book. It covers family, work, friendship, dating, and marriage.

I’ve worked with countless couples in soul healing to see their marriages restored. All but 1 reconciled. The one couple that did not reconcile was because he preferred to be with men. I believe numerous relationships can be restored. Those that cannot, we can learn from them.

I learned I was an overinvestor. I desired to love people the way God loves me and in the end it left me with major deficits in my life. I invested in people while receiving little to nothing in return. I am worth more than that. I also forgave people over and over who mistreated me, yet they were not repentant nor of high quality. I accepted less than what I wanted in relationships. I was a blessing to people who were not a blessing in return. It sounds noble to be selfless, yet I will tell you confidently that God desires more for you!

There is a chapter called Pivot and I had to pivot. I changed. I removed some connections, changed my phone number, stopped being the initiator, ceased giving people countless chances to use/abuse me, and I stopped settling (there is an entire chapter devoted to settling). It’s vital we know what we want, know our own value/worth, and we stop settling for less!

The eBook was released last week and the paperback will be available within the next week. I hope you grab a copy and share with friends.

Link to pick up the eBook: https://a.co/d/5Mryfc4

With Kind Regards,

Erin Lamb

Founder & CEO of Lamb Enterprises LLC and Operation God is Love

When You Change the Access to You-Everything Changes

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"Not everyone deserves that much access to you". My sweet sweet ...

I am breaking from the myths about God to discuss relationships. There is a well known quote that reads, “Show me your friends, and I will show you your future.”

Recently I was listening to an apostle/pastor from Africa and he said something that stuck with me. He said, “If you have loads of people around you, you may feel popular. It does not mean you are popular. It means you are careless. You do not place enough value on who you are and therefore, you provide everyone access to you.”

I have lived this careless life. I wanted to desperately love people and share with them all that God was to me. I desired God love through me for other people to encounter His great love.

It sounds beautiful, doesn’t it? To love the world the way God loves us. It’s certainly biblical. Yeshua stated, “Go love your neighbors and love your enemies. Go into all the world and tell them who I am. God show them who I am. Go and be an example of my light and love to the world. They will know my true followers by their love.” Ah, the eloquent and lovely words of Jesus.

These words, if they are not coupled with wisdom and discernment, have the capability to destroy your life. The same bible that tells you to love your neighbor as your self also proclaims that “a companion of fools suffers harm” and “how can two be joined together unless they agree.” Wisdom and love are not separated with God. There were people Jesus avoided until His appointed time because He knew they desired to kill Him. There were times that He separated Himself from the crowds and the people who clamored for space next to Him. He was loving, purposeful, and wise.

I have spent years of my life forsaking wisdom with my attempts to love. I simply showered love on people. I gave people access to my home in bible studies. Some destroyed my carpet, some broke my heart, some betrayed me, and some gossiped. People will tell you that what you are doing is for the glory of God so it does not matter if people destroy you or your things. If they harm you, God will heal and restore you. Here is the part people leave out. God DOES NOT desire you are destroyed in the process of loving people AND you get to decide the level of access people have to you.

There is the popular minister, who’s name I won’t say here, that I befriended on Facebook. After a week or so, he realized he did not know me. He accepted my friend request because we had mutual friends in common. You know what he did? He unfriended me. He did not have a conversation with me. He did not ask about my feelings. He simply deleted my access to his personal FB page. He had the right to do that, as I am not his real friend.

I, in my unwise attempts to love people, have given people way more access to my life, time, resources, gifts, talents, intercessory covering, friendship, etc…than they demonstrated they could steward well. In return it was not met with some horrible situations. Why might you suppose? Because when you give too much of yourself to other people without limits, you teach them not to value you. People value what is scarce, expensive, just a bit out of their reach.

People disrespect what is common, too available, too generous, and abundance. I say this with the caveat that there are people who appreciate and value what is abundant in their lives. It’s not the normal, sinful nature of mankind to value what is abundant. Look what humans have done to the environment, other humans, and the earth. They have exploited it and other humans.

What is my point? It is unwise to provide everyone access. It unwise to forsake healthy boundaries and limits. It is unwise to provide abundance for people without wisdom. It is wise to have criteria for who has access to your life, information about your life, and who you partner with in ministry or anything else.

Every person and everything you say yes to is a no to something else. Are you wasting your life on people who are not tied to your purpose or destiny? I wasted years of my life fighting battles with people that were absolutely unnecessary. They are long gone. They ditched me and moved on with their lives. They left behind messes they did not clean up because of course that’s “God’s job.” One of the greatest relational lies I have witnessed in western Christianity is, “If you are the martyr in relationships and you are harmed, God is delighted and will fix you right up.” It can take years of soul healing to recover from one bad relationship. I believe God desires we exercise wisdom with who has access to our lives.

My life is rapidly changing because the wide nets I cast to ensure everyone was loved, included, cared for…has shifted to, “Is it wise for me to invest here? Is the Spirit of God calling me to invest in this person or thing, or am I in a mindset of over giving and forsaking wisdom.”

It is not true that setting limits with people means you don’t love them. It is not true that boundaries make you evil and uncaring. What it means is you value yourself. What it means is you value the destiny God placed inside you and it is important to you. What is means is you value your life and desire to make the most of your life. It means you love yourself. God actually desires that you love yourself.

You don’t owe everyone access. Trust is earned. Friendship is a gift, not a privilege. The ability to know what is going on in your heart, life, family, and business is not for everyone. Your story is not up for grabs by everyone. You control how much of yourself, your time, and your life you give to other people. God expects that you and I to guard our hearts. We are expected to guard the access to the most precious parts of ourselves. Don’t look to others to do it for you.

Lastly examine who you have given access to your life. Are they adding any value? Or are they simply taking up time and space? If you look at the 5 people you spend most of your time with, do you desire to be like them. Are you inspired or tired? Are you growing or fighting off unnecessary drama? Are you moving closer to becoming who God created you to be or are you perpetually distracted?

I hope you stay tuned in to posts. They are leading up to the fourth book-Relationships 101. I have learned quite a bit over the years and hope something shared is helpful and blesses you.

Warm Regards,

Erin Lamb

Author & CEO of Lamb Enterprises LLC

Empowered-Free.com

It’s A Blessing or A Lesson

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Some lessons learned (35 actually). I hope they bless or encourage someone.

1. People tend to value less what is free or where they have no investment. I love giving, yet found people trample under foot lavish giving. If it cost them nothing (time, money, committment, resources) they do not value what is provided. In a few rare cases you find people who genuinely appreciate what does not cost them anything. Psychology Today did an article that showed people who invest nothing have no attachment or sense of ownership. The one who gives or invests is the one who grows to love. Hence God encouraging generosity. Where you sow or invest brings forth an attatchment.

2. People will expect more from you than they are willing to give. I found there are many imperfect people expecting perfection out of everyone else. Or there are people who desire I support their business, their ministry, their dreams, etc…who would not lift a finger or even offer 50 cents for anything I do or anyone else.

3. If you don’t set proper boundaries, people will walk all over you.

4. It is possible to love people and still not give them access to your life.

5. Insecure and selfish people hurt others to cope with their own internal love deficit. People, myself included, can only give away love we possess.

6. Sometimes you reap or experience what you did not sow. Examples from the Bible: Jesus, Job, Joseph.

7. Favor is not a feeling nor do circumstances always reflect the favor of God. Joseph was thrown in a pit. Jesus went to a cross. You must pay attention to the entire story, not a chapter or two.

8. Mankind loves a celebrity, Christian or otherwise. Some people will only support you based on who you know, who they think you know, or to try to get close to someone you know.

9. You must care for all parts of yourself: Body, Soul, and Spirit. Neglect one and the others suffer.

10. People (some not all) are more comfortable with men being confident, assertive, intelligent, powerful and successful. We are still fighting gender stereotypes. Be confident, intelligent, powerful, assertive, and successful anyway. Your audience is God.

11. Some people use “God told me,” or “God said,” as tools of manipulation or to get their way. If God did not tell me, I don’t care what He supposedly told everyone else. I don’t move outside of peace.

12. People who put you down often think you are better than them.

13. Some people want you to suceed, just not more than them.

14. Some people don’t know they are prejudice, sexist, or racist. It just slips out and their cover is “I have a (fill in group they biased against) friend. I don’t see color or gender.” Pray for them. Forgive. Have teaching moments, “That’s rude. That’s racist. That is inappropriate.”

15. Learning to strengthen yourself in the Lord is vital! Don’t look for cheerleaders. Cheer for your own darn self.

16. Some people don’t want to be healed even when they state they do. They subconsciously gain attention or benefit from being sick or holding onto toxic mindsets.

17. I am not Jesus. I point to Jesus. If you let people think they have access to you 24/7, 365 days a week, they will run you into the ground then get upset you broke down.

18. It is common for people to want mercy when they sin and harsh judgement when sinned against.

19. The one who opposes you the most sees you as a threat. They see your potential even if you don’t.

20. Learning to love yourself as God does is wisdom and vital to thriving.

21. The most critical people suffer from low self esteem. Putting others down or harshly critiquing them is a means to cope with internal feelings of inadequacy.

22. Some people won’t support you for fear you will surpass them.

23. Rebuke is a friend to the false prophet/prophecy…”No I am not in agreement with that. No I do not accept your word.” People don’t know they are in error if everyone just nods and smiles. Correct in love, not mean spiritedness. Pray before confronting people.

24. Pushy people need loving correction and boundaries set quickly. If you give an inch, they will drag you miles.

25. We don’t owe anyone friendship. It is a gift to be stewarded.

26. Ministry is not meant to be a hostage situation. It’s okay to take breaks or resign from assignments with proper notice. I tend to give 2-3 months notice, longer if it’s a big role.

27. I get to choose with God who I mentor, vs. people telling me I am their mentor. If people will not meet me halfway with participation and playing their part. I have the right to cease letting people waste my time.

28. People treat us how we let them treat us. People waste our time because we let them.

29. Some people view love as agreement. Which it is not. I can disagree and still love a person.

30. God is not our trunk monkey (fixer) who does everything for us. We have a participation role to play.

31. Some of the people who cry out for revival the most are the least active in partnering with God to see revival. Talking and praying about revival is more important than actually going and doing the works of Jesus and making disciples.

32. Some people like their demons yet will try to convince you they don’t. Actions scream over words.

33. If you let people, they will cling to you instead of Jesus. Say NO!

34. You can pour your heart and soul into people that treat it like nothing. Bless them and understand people will NOT treat you any better than they do God. You are ultimately doing it for God.

35. Pray over relationships and every opportunity. God show me who this person really is. When He shows you, adjust accordingly. Love people, yet set proper boundaries.

Love,

Erin

Godly Pursuit vs. Selfish Pursuit

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Every Pursuit is Not Rooted in God Love

I have encountered numerous women in my lifetime who felt so special for being pursued. Yet the man pursued them as a game, out of loneliness, selfishness, lust, greed, to check a box, to cause harm. Women can pursue too…women are sometimes taught in culture that having a man increases their value or not being married or having children is a sign of life failure. It’s untrue, yet culture contains many things that simply aren’t true. Stalkers are pursuers too…they simply don’t possess the right motivations.

God tells us to pursue wisdom. God tells us to investigate fruit (Matthew 7:15-20). I have been pursued by people, not just men, for their selfish gain. They were not interested in what God was speaking to me or calling me to do. They saw something they thought they wanted and saught to convince me to go along with the agenda. God tells us not to pursue selfish agendas.

Instead of being motivated by selfish ambition or vanity, each of you should, in humility, be moved to treat one another as more important than yourself,~Phil 2:3.

God is not selfish. When God pursues us, our best interests are taken into consideration. When God presents a plan or His agenda, our best interests and the best interests of others are taken into consideration. I am going to throw out a radical statement. God does not need our worship or devotion. Angels surround the throne of God and worship God continually (Revelation 7:11, Isaiah 6). God invites us into worship not just because He alone is worthy of it, but because worship impacts us in a powerful way. We become like the gods we worship. God alone is good. Even prayer benefits us more than it does God. God is not ego driven; love is God’s persistent motivation.

It can be affirming to be pursued. Yet ask the question, why is this person pursuing me? What is the fruit of their life? Or why am I pursuing this person? God what are my true intentions? Help me to pursue to love as you love.

This is not just for dating. Think about business relationships, ministry relationships, friendships. Is the person coming to the table to add value or with containers to take away? We love tupperware people, we do not allow them to be consistent consumers in our lives. There needs to be balance. Ministering to people is pouring out expecting nothing in return. Godly love involves some reciprocation. God does expect us to love Him in return. It is a lie God desires nothing from us. You may read this in the following verses: Matthew 22:37, 1 Corinthians 6:19, Luke 6:46, John 14:15.

I am inclined to tell you the story of an old hoarder colleague. She loved to go to buffets. The main purpose was to load up her purse. I kid you not she would have a purse full of egg rolls, and chicken wings. She did not frequent buffets because she liked the restaurant per say. She went to load up her purse, what she considered free food. She was not poor in reality. She suffered from scarcity mentality, hoarding, and greed. The restaurant may think, “Oh she loves this place.” Nope, she loves benefiting from this place. If she truly loved the restaurant and the owners, she would abide by their guidelines of not carry out from the buffet. She would not fill her purse full of items. She would think about what is best for the owners not just herself.

God encourages us and invites us into a lifestyle of love. Love thinks of what is best for everyone, not just one person. Love is not selfish, greedy, one sided, nor pursues under false pretenses. God also commits to who He pursues. There is loyalty there. God is not simply pursuing to ditch you later.

Love in Christ,

Erin Lamb