If you’ve read the back cover of I Thought I Knew What Love Was, you will see God sparked my curiosity as a child. We see in the Old Testament that God often met with and spoke to people. I was especially intrigued by His relationship with Moses. Who wouldn’t want to be close friends with the Creator of the Universe. Jesus is the key to unlocking a personal relationship with the Father. In Jesus, under the new covenant, we are as close to God as we can be and as close as we want to be. At 7 years old I gave my life to the most incredible person who ever walked the earth, Jesus. A journey began to know Him.

My prayer was to see God face to face. God’s response to me, “I meet with you heart to heart.” I could not have explained this to you years ago. The details of what God spoke made no sense to me. Over the complicated course of grief, tragedies, betrayal, loss, unrequited love, forgiving the most painful hurts, and longing to love people who could not receive my love, I found God’s heart. I know there is more to Him than what I have experienced, and I will never claim to have Him all figured out. All I can tell you is that He is real, His heart is the beautiful place I have ever ventured in to, and He feels more than we give Him credit for. Here are some examples.

Unrequited Love: I thought I would start with the part of His heart that we fail to acknowledge at times. God is perfect in love. The Father demonstrated His love by sending His only Son. The Son demonstrated His love on the cross. There is no greater representation of love. However, God is in my estimate the most rejected Being in the world. He loves; He is rejected. He loves well, and people still reject Him. I never thought about the impact to God’s heart until I was placed in the position to love people who would never love me in return. You go out of your way to love and they don’t return your love or never acknowledge your love. They don’t value it, value you, nor are they grateful. On the other end your heart is breaking for the other person to know how valuable they are to you, how much they are loved, yet they don’t want your love.

I can tell you unrequited love hurts. It cuts deep into the core of your heart and it aches. No medicine cures it. No comfort heals it. You simply hope one day that person will realize they mean the world to you. Unlike God, I have been able to move on from relationships without the longing. God, however, loves deeper. His heart longs for those He loves. He pursues relentlessly. His love is stronger than any love I could feel. I can’t imagine if the longing I felt in my heart was amplified for billions of people. Knowing that a person will reject you does not change the pain you feel when they do.

The Blame Game: God is blamed for many of the bad things that happen in the world and often not praised for the good things that happen in the world. He is Sovereign. Nothing happens without Him knowing, and He can do anything He wishes. He, however, gave humans earth and certain freedoms out of love. We have chosen to defy Him and make a mockery of the world He gave us. When things go wrong, they are a result of the sin in the world. He allowed us to choose, and we made horrible choices. I never understood the blame game until I got a bit older. I’ve been placed in situations where people blame me for their problems. It’s my fault they aren’t enjoying life; it’s my fault they have a temper; it’s my fault they are unhappy; it’s my fault they have insecurities. I asked God why I always end up being the scapegoat for people. Why, when I am minding my own business, doing my best to love people, am I the person they end up blaming. Guess what? God gets blamed for things He played no part in or authored. I can tell you being blamed is not only irritating, it’s hurts your heart.

Seeking You Only When I Need You: God is love. Any time we seek Him; He is excited. He longs to be with His children. I have noticed though that God is sought after in times of difficulty. He is often ignored in the good times. We are more enamored with what He gave us than we are with Him. We talk about our families, friends, jobs, material possessions, accomplishments, and only seek Him when it’s a crisis or we need Him. I have people who I only hear from them in times of crisis or when they are bored. I am invisible until they are in need. More than hurting my heart, it’s a nuisance. When you are expected to drop what you are doing and be attentive and loving to someone who has no time for you otherwise. On your end it’s not a real relationship, on the other person’s end it’s the perfect relationship. They never have to invest anything, give anything, or love you. You are simply there to support them. As stated, God is far more loving than I am and if I were always allowing Him to love through me I would not be annoyed. He loves unconditionally. I often wonder, “Who loves God? Who truly loves Him for who He is and not what He can do for them?” Of course He knows who loves Him, and He continues to love even those who will never love Him. I am certain His heart aches for those who will continue to reject until the end.

I’ve written quite a bit for today. We will connect again soon. My prayer is that we continue to have a revelation of God’s heart. You are deeply loved, ~Erin.

God will always love you!