I am breaking from the myths about God to discuss relationships. There is a well known quote that reads, “Show me your friends, and I will show you your future.”

Recently I was listening to an apostle/pastor from Africa and he said something that stuck with me. He said, “If you have loads of people around you, you may feel popular. It does not mean you are popular. It means you are careless. You do not place enough value on who you are and therefore, you provide everyone access to you.”

I have lived this careless life. I wanted to desperately love people and share with them all that God was to me. I desired God love through me for other people to encounter His great love.

It sounds beautiful, doesn’t it? To love the world the way God loves us. It’s certainly biblical. Yeshua stated, “Go love your neighbors and love your enemies. Go into all the world and tell them who I am. God show them who I am. Go and be an example of my light and love to the world. They will know my true followers by their love.” Ah, the eloquent and lovely words of Jesus.

These words, if they are not coupled with wisdom and discernment, have the capability to destroy your life. The same bible that tells you to love your neighbor as your self also proclaims that “a companion of fools suffers harm” and “how can two be joined together unless they agree.” Wisdom and love are not separated with God. There were people Jesus avoided until His appointed time because He knew they desired to kill Him. There were times that He separated Himself from the crowds and the people who clamored for space next to Him. He was loving, purposeful, and wise.

I have spent years of my life forsaking wisdom with my attempts to love. I simply showered love on people. I gave people access to my home in bible studies. Some destroyed my carpet, some broke my heart, some betrayed me, and some gossiped. People will tell you that what you are doing is for the glory of God so it does not matter if people destroy you or your things. If they harm you, God will heal and restore you. Here is the part people leave out. God DOES NOT desire you are destroyed in the process of loving people AND you get to decide the level of access people have to you.

There is the popular minister, who’s name I won’t say here, that I befriended on Facebook. After a week or so, he realized he did not know me. He accepted my friend request because we had mutual friends in common. You know what he did? He unfriended me. He did not have a conversation with me. He did not ask about my feelings. He simply deleted my access to his personal FB page. He had the right to do that, as I am not his real friend.

I, in my unwise attempts to love people, have given people way more access to my life, time, resources, gifts, talents, intercessory covering, friendship, etc…than they demonstrated they could steward well. In return it was not met with some horrible situations. Why might you suppose? Because when you give too much of yourself to other people without limits, you teach them not to value you. People value what is scarce, expensive, just a bit out of their reach.

People disrespect what is common, too available, too generous, and abundance. I say this with the caveat that there are people who appreciate and value what is abundant in their lives. It’s not the normal, sinful nature of mankind to value what is abundant. Look what humans have done to the environment, other humans, and the earth. They have exploited it and other humans.

What is my point? It is unwise to provide everyone access. It unwise to forsake healthy boundaries and limits. It is unwise to provide abundance for people without wisdom. It is wise to have criteria for who has access to your life, information about your life, and who you partner with in ministry or anything else.

Every person and everything you say yes to is a no to something else. Are you wasting your life on people who are not tied to your purpose or destiny? I wasted years of my life fighting battles with people that were absolutely unnecessary. They are long gone. They ditched me and moved on with their lives. They left behind messes they did not clean up because of course that’s “God’s job.” One of the greatest relational lies I have witnessed in western Christianity is, “If you are the martyr in relationships and you are harmed, God is delighted and will fix you right up.” It can take years of soul healing to recover from one bad relationship. I believe God desires we exercise wisdom with who has access to our lives.

My life is rapidly changing because the wide nets I cast to ensure everyone was loved, included, cared for…has shifted to, “Is it wise for me to invest here? Is the Spirit of God calling me to invest in this person or thing, or am I in a mindset of over giving and forsaking wisdom.”

It is not true that setting limits with people means you don’t love them. It is not true that boundaries make you evil and uncaring. What it means is you value yourself. What it means is you value the destiny God placed inside you and it is important to you. What is means is you value your life and desire to make the most of your life. It means you love yourself. God actually desires that you love yourself.

You don’t owe everyone access. Trust is earned. Friendship is a gift, not a privilege. The ability to know what is going on in your heart, life, family, and business is not for everyone. Your story is not up for grabs by everyone. You control how much of yourself, your time, and your life you give to other people. God expects that you and I to guard our hearts. We are expected to guard the access to the most precious parts of ourselves. Don’t look to others to do it for you.

Lastly examine who you have given access to your life. Are they adding any value? Or are they simply taking up time and space? If you look at the 5 people you spend most of your time with, do you desire to be like them. Are you inspired or tired? Are you growing or fighting off unnecessary drama? Are you moving closer to becoming who God created you to be or are you perpetually distracted?

I hope you stay tuned in to posts. They are leading up to the fourth book-Relationships 101. I have learned quite a bit over the years and hope something shared is helpful and blesses you.

Warm Regards,

Erin Lamb

Author & CEO of Lamb Enterprises LLC

Empowered-Free.com