They say one of the most certain things is change. I can agree that life can present a set of unpredictable events that change the course of life for us. We can imagine one trajectory and in a split second life shifts us to something new.
I had a conversation with my financial advisor last week and she asked me where I envisioned myself 10 years ago, today, and 10 years in the future. What a loaded question. I had to journey back through the events of the past ten years and one phrase that stood out for me was “I survived.” Ten years ago I was focused on survival and overcoming all the challenges. I was not focused on thriving. My life centered around survival and service to the church. I, on several occasions, put myself last in service to the Christian church. No matter how poorly I was treated at times I kept loving and serving. I was in place of being pressured to persevere, forgive, and keep loving-even if it was negatively impacting my mental health.
There are rounds of applause in Christianity when you sacrifice yourself on the altar of of the church. Who doesn’t love a good martyr? Put yourself last, never think of your needs, and if you break down then you must have a low level of faith. It was largely ignored the 80-85% of the congregation who were spiritual consumers. They would show up week after week with their needs, wants, prayer requests, and then frolic off into the sunset under the umbrella of your intercession. Nothing more was asked of them or required. As long as they showed up, they could be the “entertain me, coddle me, make me feel good,” congregation. You, the unpaid service to the church, better show up early to set up and do it with a smile for the Lord. You better fast and pray. You better turn the other cheek. You better serve with joy because it’s for Jesus.
What I learned is everything done at churches is not for Jesus. It’s for the church and those two entities are not always aligned, especially in Western culture. What Jesus required of people was far different. He told people, “Go OUT into the world and let them see who I am through your love, light, and sharing of the Gospel.” Jesus told His followers to be active in their love, devotion and service of one another. This differs from the current model of 10-20% of the congregants do 100% of the work and the rest show up to take and add no value. The church is referred to in the Gospels as a body. If my natural body only has a few organs working, it will atrophy, be less effective or ineffective, and potentially die.
The winds of change shifted me from giving all I had to the organized church to taking better care of my mental and emotional health, my family, my career, and my overall well-being. Christians broke me of killing myself for them while they were consuming everything they could without depositing much or anything at all. They would suck any life they could out of me and then some became angry when I was not eager to be their Jesus substitute. I was expected to trust God to meet my needs, while they (some) relied on me to meet theirs. I recognized the inequity and I was not in a body that the disciples described. I was in the colonized “Christianity model” where it centered on taking from people and building spiritual empires.
I will note I have two small circles of Christian women who mutually invest, they have been a blessing. I have two-three Christian men as friends. That’s a handful of people and I have interacted with thousands of Christians in my lifetime. Overall 80-85% of the Christians I have interacted with in my life have been consumers, users, apathetic, unhelpful, unkind, or just seeking me for some form of ministry to their needs. I have not encountered the love of Jesus through them. It’s NOT what Jesus modeled or taught His followers to be.
I woke up one day desiring change…Sometimes we change because we are forced to do so! Sometimes we change or transition because it’s too painful to remain the same.
2018 forced me out of my career supporting the US Military. It also forced plenty of church friends out of my life. 2019 changed the course of my trajectory as I stepped back into corporate with a new industry. It felt like starting all over again and I am still learning. 2020 forced me to examine my mostly silent approach to racism in the church and the political spirit that is quite notably aligned with the Pharisees. It cost me more than I expected to use my voice, yet I don’t regret it. Black lives matter and I don’t care if people exit my life because I said it. I did not vote for Trump and will not in 2024. I don’t care if I lose more people over that choice either. More church friends exited my life because I chose to wear face masks to honor the sick and those who could be impacted by COVID. 2021 changed my life with my father moving closer to us to help him with a not great health prognosis. 2022 changed the trajectory of my life as I stepped into a leadership role with 8 direct reports/staff in my corporate job.
The twists and turns have taught me the following…
- God will see me (us) through any storm.
- The organized church is not Jesus and sadly fails to represent Him well (esp in social justice crisis), even when they think or say they do. My greatest prayer is the earthly church aligns with Jesus of Nazareth. We have a ways to go.
- I am here on earth to bring about change, not fit in with the culture.
- I am okay with losing people and people hating me.
- God works all things together for good if we love and follow.
- Change can be painful and cause grief-grieve the expectations of something different.
- A seed must die for something new to be reborn.
- The people who truly love me, the person, not Erin the mentor/minister/helper, are not going anywhere!
- Queens turn pain into power.
- Though change can be unsettling, it’s often necessary.
- God never intended our lives be cycles of endless suffering.
- God ordained connections are mutually life-giving.
- God expects we will take care of ourselves.
- I don’t owe the church my life nor every professing Christian.
- It’s possible to be comfortable with something or someone who is holding us back.
I end with a positive note to you: Change is inevitable. In order to move forward and to become our best selves, it will involve change. A river that does not move becomes stagnant and stale. Some changes may break your heart and then align your destiny. I am certain the cross hurt Jesus. Betrayal hurt Jesus. His transformation was necessary. So is yours. So is mine. I am not stating we will all suffer greatly for greatness to emerge from us. I am stating that it’s okay to adjust your sails and allow the winds of change to carry you the next destination. Life is an adventurous journey.
Warmly,
Erin L Lamb
Coming soon, book 4-Relationships 101.
God=Love 