Tag: emotional health

What is Love?

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What Is Love?

Feelings are indicators, but they were never meant to be dictators.

People who live solely by their feelings are often more vulnerable to making unwise choices. What we call “the feeling of love” can sometimes be nothing more than attraction, chemistry, infatuation, or lust. While those experiences are real, they are not the same thing as genuine love.

Genuine love seeks the highest good of another person.

Genuine love does not cheat. It does not build itself on deception, manipulation, or countless lies. Genuine love shows up in real life, not merely in DMs, text messages, or behind a phone or computer screen. It is characterized by integrity. It invests. It supports. It does not create confusion. Instead, it offers clarity, security, and safety.

Our culture often tells us to do whatever feels good. We are encouraged to focus on falling in love rather than learning how to sustain healthy love. Feelings are elevated above choices, and emotions above character.

Yet healthy relationships require something deeper.

There will be moments when you must choose to love. Choose to forgive. Choose to place another person’s legitimate needs ahead of your own preferences. Choose honesty when a lie would be easier. Choose faithfulness when no one is watching.

Love is more than chemistry and emotions.

In healthy relationships, there may even be seasons when people question why they are together at all. During those moments, the choice to do right by another person often speaks louder than any emotion. Love reveals itself through the decisions we make, both in the presence of the person we claim to love and when they are nowhere around.

This is why I have sometimes struggled with statements like, “I love them, but I had an affair,” or “I love them, but I betrayed them.”

It is certainly possible to love someone and still make poor decisions. Love does not override human free will. However, love should cause us to ask important questions:

“Am I positioning myself to harm someone I care about?”

Love operates at a higher level than simple attraction, lust, or enjoyment of someone’s company. Genuine love says:

“I will pursue this person’s highest good, even when it costs me something.”

One of my favorite verses on love is Romans 13:10:

“Love fulfills the law because love seeks to do no harm to its neighbor.”

The Amplified Bible expands the thought beautifully:

“Love does no wrong to a neighbor [it never hurts anyone]. Therefore [unselfish] love is the fulfillment of the Law.”

Imagine how different our world would be if genuine love became the operating principle in every relationship. Sadly, we do not see that reality everywhere. Here are a few reasons why.

1. We Can Only Give Away What We Possess

The love we offer others is drawn from the reservoir of love within us.

In some Christian circles, people are taught to love God, love others, and put themselves last. Yet Scripture presents a different order. We love because God first loved us. We are then called to love God and love our neighbors as we love ourselves.

The pattern is clear: receive love from God, return love to God, and then extend that love to others.

The source of pure, genuine love is not human effort. The source is God Himself.

2. Selfishness Has Become Socially Acceptable

Many cultures applaud selfishness, narcissism, and hyper-independence while minimizing sacrificial care for others.

I appreciate the distinction:

“Selfishness is placing your wants above the legitimate needs of others. Self-care is placing your legitimate needs above the wants of others.”

Another observation that rings true is:

“People are not against you. They are primarily for themselves.”

Much of modern culture encourages us to prioritize ourselves above everyone else. Genuine love challenges that mindset. It calls us to consider how our choices and behaviors affect other human beings.

3. Unhealed Wounds Make Love Difficult

Authentic love becomes more challenging when we are carrying unresolved pain.

Father wounds, mother wounds, childhood trauma, rejection, betrayal, loss, neglect, abuse, and relational disappointments all leave marks on the soul. We were created by love, for love, and to love. We were not created for abandonment, mistreatment, or betrayal.

These painful experiences are reflections of a broken world. They are not reflections of God’s heart.

The good news is that healing is possible.

God can heal emotional wounds. The goal is not to become so guarded that no one can get close to us. The goal is to learn from painful experiences, heal from them, and develop healthy boundaries that allow us to love wisely and well.

The Transformative Power of God’s Love

My hope through writing books, facilitating soul-healing sessions, and sharing through this blog is simple: that people encounter the genuine love of God.

I believe it is the most transformative force in the universe.

God’s love changes lives. It teaches us to seek the highest good of others. It moves us to invest unselfishly, support faithfully, speak honestly, walk in integrity, show honor, remain loyal, and look for ways to add value rather than diminish those around us.

Only God’s love is perfectly pure.

When movies portray two people meeting and instantly falling in love, remember that such feelings have not yet been tested. What appears to be love may actually be attraction, chemistry, or lust.

True love grows through knowing someone and choosing them.

Love is not merely an emotion we fall into. Love is expressed through the choices we make. It is choosing to do right by another person, even when it is difficult. It is choosing their highest good. It is choosing faithfulness, honesty, and integrity over momentary gratification.

That is genuine love.

If you’d like to learn more about building healthy relationships, check out Relationships 101: Foundational Wisdom for Better Relationships.

Get your copy here

Erin Lamb

When Being Low‑Maintenance Leads to Emotional Exhaustion and Invisible Relationships

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When Being “Low‑Maintenance” Makes You Invisible

I was the low‑maintenance child.
The low‑maintenance friend.
The low‑maintenance employee.
The low‑maintenance girlfriend.

I functioned well on my own. Part of that is personality—but part of it was conditioning.

When you do what you’re told, don’t make messes, don’t ask for much, and stay compliant, it stops being appreciated and starts being expected. Over time, something subtle but painful happens: you become invisible.

From Reliable to Replaceable

You’re labeled the reliable one.
The strong one.
The one who doesn’t need much.

And instead of receiving care, protection, or emotional investment, you’re given more responsibility.

More weight.
More expectations.
More emotional labor.

Slowly, you stop being treated like a person and start being treated like a resource.

People lean on you. They bring their problems, their crises, their emotions—but they invest little or nothing in return. The relationship becomes one‑sided, and you’re expected to accept crumbs simply because you’ve survived on less.

What I Learned About Boundaries

Here’s what I learned—and it wasn’t easy:

I stopped being a resource for people.

If I can figure it out, they can too.
Just because I require less doesn’t mean I deserve less.

I stopped accepting crumbs.
I stopped entertaining people who only show up when they need something.
I stopped allowing emotional gaslighting.

“I Never See You Anymore”

“You’re never around.”
“I never hear from you.”

But let me ask this:

Did you call just to talk to me—not at me?
Did you put time on my calendar for genuine connection instead of emotional dumping?
Did you show up when I wasn’t in crisis?

No?

Then missing me is not my responsibility.

Choosing Health Over Access

These days, I lovingly redirect people to therapists, 24/7 prayer lines, or their pastors—because I am no longer the unpaid emotional support system for people unwilling to do their own work.

That doesn’t make me unkind.
It makes me honest.

Boundaries didn’t make me cold.
They made me whole.

Erin Lamb

Pick up the latest book Relationships 101: Foundational Wisdom for Better Relationships here: Relationships 101 Book

Want Better? Become Better!

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I have been more focused on writing about relationships because for the past 6 years I have been doing a process called soul healing with people. I have seen countless clients in toxic repeating relationships. I also had to examine my own life and what I was settling for in friendships and connections.

It’s quite easy to blame other people. It requires maturity and growth to examine our role in the problem. If something negative keeps repeating in our lives, the common denominator is us. I will speak from my own experiences first, then add below the post on becoming better.

I had a bad habit of giving people the benefit of the doubt, allowing people too much access to my life without properly vetting them (this was mainly Christian friendships), and I would befriend anyone-even the people others avoided. I soon learned why people avoided them. 🙂 I over gave to people who did not match my effort, nor valued my time. I introduced my “friends” to each other and eventually they formed their own cliques and treated me like an outsider.

I had to become better and be a better steward of my heart and life. No one else will do this for you! God won’t force people to love you, care for you, invest in you, or value who you are. YOU MUST LOVE YOU! You must decide to look at your weak points and become better. I promise when you focus on becoming the best version of yourself, loving yourself as God does, setting better boundaries, getting your soul healed, you will attract better people and tolerate less nonsense from people.

I started a quest of becoming better, wiser, and a better steward of myself. My life drastically changed. I don’t have a plethora of people I call my friend, yet the ones I do are A+ instead of F- or wishy washy.

I hope the post from my Facebook (FB) author page (facebook.com/erinlambauthor) helps and blesses you.

FB Post from 12/18/2021:

I meet people frequently who cry out for God’s best without actually asking God to help them be the best version of themselves. They want a Rolls Royce life with a dump truck mindset. They desire high quality friends without being a high quality person. They want the best, yet truth be told they are not working on their issues, soul wounds, attitude, selfishness, greed, lust, irresponsibility, or lack of wisdom. I love what Dr. Myles Monroe said, “God does not give you everything you ask for. God gives you what you demonstrate you can steward well.” If you desire better options in life, I highly recommend the following:

1. Looking at what you bring to the table. Would you want to date you, befriend you, trust you, hire you, be best friends with you, be in business with you? If not, work on you. Ask God to help you be better.

2. Examine your mindset. Our thoughts direct our path. If your mind is a swamp, ask God to clean it out. Swamp thinking: critical, constantly negative, deception, self loathing, shame, hatred, laziness, victim mindset, lust, perverted thoughts.

3. Examine if you love and accept you. Desiring personal growth and development is not self hatred, it is love. It is possible to have flaws and still love oneself. If you and I do not love ourselves as God does, we attract and/or seek out people who won’t love us either. If you examine your relationships, the ones you chose, they are a reflection of how you feel about yourself.

4. How do you manage or appreciate what God already gave you? If God gives you a person or gift, how to do care for them? Don’t ask for more or His best if you don’t take care of what you already have.

I want to give you a personal example. People have told me to buy a bigger house. I do not need a bigger house just to be fancy. A bigger house is more square footage to clean and upkeep. I know what I can handle. I know my schedule is loaded. At this point in life, I do not need a massive yard and mega mansion. I can put more money towards helping the poor.

I will give you another example. What we do not take care of breaks down. Take care of your body, soul, and spirit. I found myself in a season where I was just irritated by everyone. I had neglected rest and self care. Client loads started slowing. It was good because I needed to recoup. God does not give us more than we can manage well.

Be better!

  • Read books.
  • Renew your mind.
  • Deal with your toxic mindsets and behaviors.
  • Get 360 feedback; ask friends or family how you can love them better.
  • Deal with poor views of self; you attract how you feel about you.
  • Address poor boundaries.
  • Be a person of integrity and honor.
  • Talk to people rather than behind their backs.
  • Invest as much as you take, if not more.
  • Don’t be a leech in people’s lives.
  • Deal with the lies you believe.
  • Get your soul healed.
  • Eat right and exercise.
  • Give thanks for what you do have!
  • Take care of and appreciate what you have!
  • Ask God to help you become better!
  • Develop your skills.
  • Invite God into your weaknesses.
  • Aim to be the best version of you!!

It’s not about perfectionism, as there is no perfection outside of God. It’s about excellence and growth. The more whole we are on the inside, the better opportunities, relationships, and connections occur. Focus on becoming the best version of you and the right people and opportunities will chase you! I have been blown away by the opportunities and people I have met since I started changing myself. Obviously God is a tremendous part of the transformation, yet I had to make a decision that I was tired of being sick and tired of bad friendships and drama.

I will tell that the quest for my own soul healing, personal development and growth, meant some people walked out of my life. Some vacated without any warning and a few said they had nothing in common with me anymore. I bless them and it was for the best. I think if they had stayed in my life, I would not be on the same trajectory. They did me a favor. God upgraded my life and continues to do so. Destiny people don’t disappear, and God withholds nothing good (Psalm 84:11).

Cheering for you and I pray you put as much energy into loving yourself as you do loving others.

Love,

Erin Lamb

CEO & Founder of Lamb Enterprises LLC, Empowered & Free Merch, and Operation God is Love

Empowered-Free.com

EmpoweredandFreeMerch.com

OperationGodislove.org

#BecomeBetter#Relationships

God & Mental/Emotional Health

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Mental health is such a buzz word in the news. When mass shootings happen, people are quick to point to mental illness. I believe it moves beyond just mental impairment to emotional issues which link to spiritual issues. The spirit, body, and soul (mind, will, emotions) are connected.

Part of what I do is help those who suffer from deep emotional/mental wounds or impairment. This morning I shared with my online community a testimony from a session this month. I hope to raise awareness and help others.

God & the Dissociative Person (Multiple Personalities)-Testimony of 11 Alters Coming Together To Make Someone Whole.

I don’t do SOZO or regular deliverance. I state this because people ask, not to downplay anyone else’s methods. Most of the people who see me have been severely abused to the point of fracture/forming a split that holds their painful memory/trauma. These parts of them are quite real. You can scream, command, throw scripture at them, say be whole and they remain right where they are. Why? They have a purpose. They were created out of gross trauma or abuse to hold the painful memories for the person so they can function. The issue arises when these dissociative parts are not healed and their negative emotions are not healed.

Over the past few years I have seen numerous people. The best candidates are normally the ones who do not know me. The best results come when a person can be transparent without fear. Of the 2% who claimed feeling worse afterwards (1 out of many stated this) or little breakthrough-they knew me. So I learned to only do sessions with people who know me if God led, otherwise source them out to a mentor. I believe 95%-98% is better than 0% or the ~25% breakthrough with cognitive therapy.

I was given permission to share this testimony.

I had someone who had struggled their entire life feeling disconnected, hearing voices, struggled with connection with God and others. The person was wounded at a very young age and then repeatedly assaulted as they grew up. They grew to believe they were the reason predators targeted them. They also were told their beautiful exterior was the reason for the assaults (this is a lie). The first soul wounding at age 4 opened the door for future assault. Evil intruders then worked to attract more assault in the future. If you have no grid for the spiritual world, understand there are angels and demons. Demons are evil and work to bring death, destruction, pain, abuse, and make bad things worse. The 4 year was exposed to things through a neighbor kid. This brought fear and terror connected to molestation. Fear was activated, never dealt with, and worked to bring more of what the 4 year old feared. One split in personality became 11 splits in personality.

Each split/alter had it’s own pain, trauma, and negative emotions attached. During the sessions God was invited into all the memories. I do not do guided imagery. I ask God to pull forward memories. One by one we encountered different hurting parts of the person. Once the parts were healed of their pain, deliverance occured. Anything attached to those parts was commanded to leave. We then walked through the process of integration.

The person reported after the 10 year old was healed they felt they could connect with God in ways they had not been able to before. The voice they kept hearing left. They felt free and the feeling of disconnection was gone. Once certain memories were healed, God revealed the web of other memories and lies that broke off their life. The person had gone through regular deliverance, self deliverance, and SOZO. They still had 11 personalities at work (alters) and two head spirits (#1 Fear, #Rejection). There were still demons operating in the person’s life. Why? If they are feasting on a soul wound/alter, they are not going anywhere until you get the soul healed.

The person reported they felt integration and it brought clarity, freedom from voices, hope, joy, and they started experiencing breakthrough in the natural. Things that were delayed opened. The home was more peaceful. They experienced peace and freedom from believing everything was their fault. They recovered their voice. A voice that was locked up during abuse. They reported freedom after seeing things from God’s perspective. God hates abuse and His revelation of love is powerful.

I have heard people say, “Jesus did not do soul healing,” I disagree. The very presence of Jesus is healing for people. To touch a leper-outcast is healing from rejection. To stop for a Samaritan woman and treat her with kindness is healing. Women were not highly respected and Jesus demonstrated honor. The bible says Jesus did so many great things the volumes could not contain them. Instead of focusing on what Jesus did or did not do, I recommend asking the Holy Spirit to partner with us to help people. Jesus did not fly in airplanes or ride in cars, yet we do. It would be silly to say, “Well, Jesus never rode in a car or on a plane, so I won’t either!” God invites us into relationship. The Bible reveals God, and gives us a blueprint. We are then to abide in relationship with God. We don’t violate the word, we also don’t limit God to a time of riding donkeys and wearing sandals.

This person stated they stepped into a new level of freedom. They stated they often felt they were lost inside themselves and could not put the pieces together. One by one each part was healed, delivered, then integrated. They stated they never felt whole before. Today they do.

God loves to heal. God is good. It’s His heart to make us whole.

If you would like to learn more, I would love to have you in our Freedom from Trauma webinar this Saturday December 1rst, 11am EST. Sign me up!

Warmly,

Erin Lamb

Photo credits: Pinterest