I have been more focused on writing about relationships because for the past 6 years I have been doing a process called soul healing with people. I have seen countless clients in toxic repeating relationships. I also had to examine my own life and what I was settling for in friendships and connections.
It’s quite easy to blame other people. It requires maturity and growth to examine our role in the problem. If something negative keeps repeating in our lives, the common denominator is us. I will speak from my own experiences first, then add below the post on becoming better.
I had a bad habit of giving people the benefit of the doubt, allowing people too much access to my life without properly vetting them (this was mainly Christian friendships), and I would befriend anyone-even the people others avoided. I soon learned why people avoided them. 🙂 I over gave to people who did not match my effort, nor valued my time. I introduced my “friends” to each other and eventually they formed their own cliques and treated me like an outsider.
I had to become better and be a better steward of my heart and life. No one else will do this for you! God won’t force people to love you, care for you, invest in you, or value who you are. YOU MUST LOVE YOU! You must decide to look at your weak points and become better. I promise when you focus on becoming the best version of yourself, loving yourself as God does, setting better boundaries, getting your soul healed, you will attract better people and tolerate less nonsense from people.
I started a quest of becoming better, wiser, and a better steward of myself. My life drastically changed. I don’t have a plethora of people I call my friend, yet the ones I do are A+ instead of F- or wishy washy.
I hope the post from my Facebook (FB) author page (facebook.com/erinlambauthor) helps and blesses you.
FB Post from 12/18/2021:
I meet people frequently who cry out for God’s best without actually asking God to help them be the best version of themselves. They want a Rolls Royce life with a dump truck mindset. They desire high quality friends without being a high quality person. They want the best, yet truth be told they are not working on their issues, soul wounds, attitude, selfishness, greed, lust, irresponsibility, or lack of wisdom. I love what Dr. Myles Monroe said, “God does not give you everything you ask for. God gives you what you demonstrate you can steward well.” If you desire better options in life, I highly recommend the following:
1. Looking at what you bring to the table. Would you want to date you, befriend you, trust you, hire you, be best friends with you, be in business with you? If not, work on you. Ask God to help you be better.
2. Examine your mindset. Our thoughts direct our path. If your mind is a swamp, ask God to clean it out. Swamp thinking: critical, constantly negative, deception, self loathing, shame, hatred, laziness, victim mindset, lust, perverted thoughts.
3. Examine if you love and accept you. Desiring personal growth and development is not self hatred, it is love. It is possible to have flaws and still love oneself. If you and I do not love ourselves as God does, we attract and/or seek out people who won’t love us either. If you examine your relationships, the ones you chose, they are a reflection of how you feel about yourself.
4. How do you manage or appreciate what God already gave you? If God gives you a person or gift, how to do care for them? Don’t ask for more or His best if you don’t take care of what you already have.
I want to give you a personal example. People have told me to buy a bigger house. I do not need a bigger house just to be fancy. A bigger house is more square footage to clean and upkeep. I know what I can handle. I know my schedule is loaded. At this point in life, I do not need a massive yard and mega mansion. I can put more money towards helping the poor.
I will give you another example. What we do not take care of breaks down. Take care of your body, soul, and spirit. I found myself in a season where I was just irritated by everyone. I had neglected rest and self care. Client loads started slowing. It was good because I needed to recoup. God does not give us more than we can manage well.
- Read books.
- Renew your mind.
- Deal with your toxic mindsets and behaviors.
- Get 360 feedback; ask friends or family how you can love them better.
- Deal with poor views of self; you attract how you feel about you.
- Address poor boundaries.
- Be a person of integrity and honor.
- Talk to people rather than behind their backs.
- Invest as much as you take, if not more.
- Don’t be a leech in people’s lives.
- Deal with the lies you believe.
- Get your soul healed.
- Eat right and exercise.
- Give thanks for what you do have!
- Take care of and appreciate what you have!
- Ask God to help you become better!
- Develop your skills.
- Invite God into your weaknesses.
- Aim to be the best version of you!!
It’s not about perfectionism, as there is no perfection outside of God. It’s about excellence and growth. The more whole we are on the inside, the better opportunities, relationships, and connections occur. Focus on becoming the best version of you and the right people and opportunities will chase you! I have been blown away by the opportunities and people I have met since I started changing myself. Obviously God is a tremendous part of the transformation, yet I had to make a decision that I was tired of being sick and tired of bad friendships and drama.
I will tell that the quest for my own soul healing, personal development and growth, meant some people walked out of my life. Some vacated without any warning and a few said they had nothing in common with me anymore. I bless them and it was for the best. I think if they had stayed in my life, I would not be on the same trajectory. They did me a favor. God upgraded my life and continues to do so. Destiny people don’t disappear, and God withholds nothing good (Psalm 84:11).
Cheering for you and I pray you put as much energy into loving yourself as you do loving others.
CEO & Founder of Lamb Enterprises LLC, Empowered & Free Merch, and Operation God is Love