Marry a Kingdom Person, Not a “Christian”

Being a Christian is a label in my country that can mean many things. It does not mean that person has a personal relationship with Jesus, obeys Jesus, nor that they even understand who Jesus is. Jesus spoke more about the Kingdom of God than anything else. Don’t let the prophets for profit convince you He talked most about money. He didn’t. I have met countless people who claim Jesus; they do not mirror any aspects of what He said would mark His followers. This includes clergy, pastors, platform ministers with millions of followers. 

Please don’t be fooled by a label, church attendance, and someone saying they are Christian. I had a lady tell me a guy brought his bible on a date. I asked, “Does he live anything in that bible?” It’s not what he says he is, it’s what he is living. 

I would not recommend for anyone desiring marriage to just seek out a Christian person. I have counseled countless people abused by Christians. Gosh, I have been treated like utter trash by quite a few professing Christians. 

A person who truly seeks first the Kingdom of God: 

1. Has a healthy view of the Lord so they will seek to honor God in their interactions with you, knowing they answer to God for their treatment of you. 

2. Will pursue honor, integrity, love, and mutual service and submission. It’s not one sided. 

3. Will repent when they sin and offer forgiveness to you when you sin. 

4. Will yield to God for pruning and godly growth. 

5. Pursues God and their own spiritual health with God. They do not expect you to be their god. 

6. Serves others, has the heart of a servant.

7. Walks in purity. They care about maintaining their purity with God and you. 

8. Builds God’s Kingdom and helps establish it on earth. 

9. Pursues unselfish love! 

10. Cares about the least, last, lost. They share the gospel and make disciples. 

11. Has regular communion with God and discipline of a disciple. 

12. Is a wise steward of what God has given, knowing they are accountable. Where much is given, much is required. 

13. Loves God more than they love you or anyone or anything else. 

14. Listens to God and wise counsel. 

15. Cares about what is best for you, unselfish love. 

16. Pursues you for the highest good, not their personal or lustful gain. 

17. Honesty, loyalty, commitment to do what they promise to do. 

18. Willing to confront you in love about sin or error. 

19. Talks to you to build connection not about you behind your back or so harshly its abusive. 

20. Views you as an equal, not a subordinate. 

21. Takes accountability for their own choices. 

22. Seeks to add value to your life. 

23. Seeks to obey God. 

24. Is passionate about God and their relationship is growing. 

25. Isn’t in love with marriage, a wedding, or the idea of marriage. They are fully in love with Jesus. 

A Kingdom person views life through God’s lens. They seek to do the will of God. They are sold out for Jesus. So, they are not trying to devour you, use you, get you into sin, get you into sexual immorality. They are pursuing God’s best for themselves and you. 

I will be honest that I have met more “Christians” than Kingdom people. It saddens me because Jesus is grossly misrepresented by the masses. My encouragement for those who want to marry is “Seek first the Kingdom of God and all His righteousness.” Instead of, “God gimmie!!” Say, “God prepare me. Help me to be a Kingdom person. Help me to love you most and yield to your purposes. God make me a blessing so I can be a blessing. Give me discernment to know what’s just good and what’s God (you). Heal my brokenness. Fix the broken parts of me. Grow me up in you. Prune away non fruit bearing parts of me.” 

As someone with years of experience helping married couples piece the broken parts together, please consider working on putting God first, getting healed, and pursuing God. Marriage does not cure things. It amplifies whats broken. Seek God. Seek first the Kingdom of God, not religion. Honor God. If you won’t honor God, you won’t honor a spouse.

Warm Regards,

Erin Lamb

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