Tag: Relationships 101

London Book Fair & LA Times Book Fair

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Relationships 101: Foundational Wisdom for Better Relationships is a book that was a labor of love. As stated I was watching my father slowly decline while writing this book, and he passed away in June 2024. I’ve also endured sub par relationships with people hoping to reveal to them the love of God. I put up with mistreatment at times, connections with people who demonstrated they did not possess the same values, and I was known for giving far more than I received in connections with people. Relationships 101 not only provides insight from studying human behaviors and facilitating soul healing sessions with people, it is a journey through my own challenges with interpersonal relationships.

The good news from all of this is the book is receiving notable attention with publishers and agents. We were asked to participate in the London Book Fair and the Los Angeles Times Book Fair. I am in contract negotiations currently. I am thankful for the opportunity and for this book to reach the masses. If you have not picked up your copy, you can grab it here: https://a.co/d/bbxRSut. It has a 5 star rating and our editorial preview gave it a 10/10. People have stated it’s a must read!

What a journey!

I’ve been writing since I was a child. It’s been one of my dreams to share insight and hopefully wisdom with people through literary work. As I’ve grown into an adult, I became passionate about helping people heal from traumatic relationships and cultivate healthier ones. Relationships can elevate or derail our lives. We are not victims to toxic relationships or mediocre ones. We get to choose.

I truly believe one of my reasons for being alive is to speak to this area. A chunk of what I learned in communities of faith about relationships was based on the culture, not the actual teachings or lifestyle of Jesus. Therefore, I and others had sub par relationships and attributed it to God teaching us how to love. Suffering in relationships became the goal, not thriving in them. I heard people teach that the goal of marriage was to make you holy, and the bible says no such thing. The bible states it is the role of the Holy Spirit to make you and I holy. I’ve watched people I deeply care for suffer through divorce or abuse in relationships. We can have better!! God longs to give us better relationships.

I hope this book assists people with having a healthier view of themselves, a healthier view of relationships, and it helps to mitigate marrying/dating/befriending the wrong people. I hope women especially are helped to bypass settling for less than what God would give them. God does not give bad gifts. I sincerely believe it is not God’s objective that we suffer in every relationship. Suffering is a byproduct of sin. There is no sin in God, nor in heaven.

If you’re in London (UK) or LA (USA), you may see me in the months to come. If there is a book signing, please stop by and say hello. I would love to greet you in person. Thank you for your support of this blog over the years! You are appreciated. I plan to carve out more time this year to blog.

If you’d like to stay up to speed with what’s happening with new books, products, programs, please join us on https://www.empowered-free.com/. The link provided is my business website.

What else is upcoming?

I am launching an online wellness community for girls and women Feb 1 entitled “Healthy, Wealthy, Confident & Free!” There are 7 pillars of focus and they are as follows: healthy mindset, get wisdom, nourish the body, emotional healing, confidence, healthy relationships, and building wealth. We will meet monthly for 7 months-1rst Saturdays of the month. Also included in the program will be monthly focus workbooks, exclusive membership to a private Facebook community, and recordings of sessions. You may sign up here: https://www.empowered-free.com/product-page/healthy-wealthy-confident-free-program.

I hope you either join us in the wellness community or pick up Relationships 101 on Amazon.com (https://a.co/d/jdq3i96https://a.co/d/iCP111t).

Once again thank you and God bless you! God bless you, keep you, and his face shine brilliantly upon you.

Love,

Erin Lamb

Understanding Mutual Love in Relationships

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Photo: Erin Lamb Author 2024

If you’re like me, you were taught to love other people-even at the expense of yourself. Love was modeled in a sacrificial way; it was viewed as selfish to desire anything in return. We were taught to be the “givers” in relationships. No one taught me directly that God desired mutuality in my relationships with other people or at church. The more you offered of yourself, the more people clapped. God was to meet your needs while you were meeting the needs of others. One day it dawned on me, “If I am to get all my needs met by God, why can’t these other people do the same?”

I’ve encountered a number of women in my lifetime who view themselves as “the help” or “the helper.” People read Genesis and tell women they are the “helper” to man. From the translation of the Bible into English until today, women have been considered “the help.” Actually, it began the moment Adam sinned. God warned Eve that Adam would seek to rule over her (because of sin) and she would seek to please him (because of sin). It was not God’s original design. Nor did God name Eve “the helper.” He called her ezer kenegdo. Which has a far more meaningful and powerful definition.

Ezer kenegdo: [Genesis 2:18 can be translated as “I will make a power [or strength] corresponding to man.”…What God had intended, then, was to make a “power” or “strength” for the man who would in every way “correspond to him” or even “be his equal.””]-God’s Word to Women.

I’ve worked with countless women in relationships with men who treat them as their subordinate or they use weaponized incompetence (they pretend they are unable to do certain tasks so their wives are overwhelmed with household tasks or caring for their kids). Mistreating women, treating them as inferior is seen as “normal” or “God’s idea,” when it’s not. The mistreatment of any human being can be tied back to sin. Selfishness is sin. Sexism is sin. Treating people like they are our slaves is not love. God is love.

I love that Jesus told his disciples to not be like the leaders in the world who seek to rule over others, that the greatest among them would be a servant. Jesus encouraged MUTUAL love, MUTUAL respect, and agape love (unselfish, sacrificial love). The intention was not that in all our relationships we would behave and love like Jesus while everyone else gets to be Judas. Jesus had genuine friendships: Mary, Martha, John and several women supported his ministry financially. He loved the entire world, yet only a few demonstrated that love in return.

I had to learn from God that the desire of His heart was not for me to have more people similar to Judas and Saul sitting around my table. He actually desired there would be people who value me the person, not how I can mentor them for free, invest in their lives with zero reciprocation, give while they consume, or to be in cycles of mistreatment. I had to learn that love without wisdom can be likened to foolishness. I endured relationships with people who should have only been ministry opportunities, not friendships. People violated my trust, heart, time, investments in them, and then could easily skip off into the sunset. Some left quietly, while some insulted me on the way out the door.

I had to make a choice to keep enduring those types of relationships, or to step away from tables where I was either starving to death or being poisoned. It does not mean all those people were bad human beings. It means they were not and are not the right people for me. I made the decision that I desired God’s best in relationships. I continued to do ministry, and separated people I serve in a ministry capacity from my friends.

I changed. I had to change. I did not desire to get to the end of my life and not experience the best God had to offer. I was also tired of wishy washy, fair weather friends, people who only showed up for their needs/prayer, and when it was convenient for them. I wanted better. I desired better. I wanted to experience genuine God love in numerous relationships before I died. I also no longer wanted to waste the gifts or time God gave me on people who would not value what was given to them.

What has been the outcome? I have people in my life now or those who remained who show up simply to bless me. People who reach out to say, “How are you? What can I do for you? How can I pray for you?” I’ve been invited to beautiful luncheons, given free suite/box seats at sports events, promoted numerous times at my newest job, and my office has an entire section with cards from people with kind notes. I am valued. I am loved. I am appreciated. I am not “the help.” I don’t have to beg for respect, love, attention, affection, or support. It’s freely given. More doors of opportunity have opened. My health has improved. The warfare in my life has lessened. I have zero relational drama. I have fun! I feel a level of safety in the connections around me. I do not believe they are smiling in my face while discussing me negatively behind closed doors. I am not traumatized or in cycles of being mistreated and them asking for forgiveness. They know how to steward my heart.

If you genuinely love people, trust God desires to place people in your life who KNOW how to love you. Trust that God desires His best for you, not just for you to be the best for everyone else. God is good. I had to learn that God did not orchestrate every relationship I had-even with professing Christians. Some of the Christians I’ve encountered in my lifetime have treated me the worst. Then they show up years later with a sad apology. Are they forgiven? Yes! Do I desire them back in my life. NO! I’d prefer to be set on fire or run over by a bus 50 times. There are people we are called to pray for, forgive, and then MOVE ON!

I hope you pick up Relationships 101: Foundational Wisdom for Better Relationships. I put my heart and soul into this book. My two favorite chapters right now are “Get Wisdom,” and “A Healthy Relationship Starts with You.” We can have better. We can have genuine love. We can have thriving friendships. We can experience God love through another person. The first step is to receive God’s love for ourselves. The second is to stop settling for less than God’s best! I’ve yet to meet anyone grateful they settled in life. You don’t have to settle.

If you don’t know how to treat people, the book provides tools for you too.

Get your copy of Relationships 101 today: https://a.co/d/6XFZvyj

Love,

Erin Lamb

Founder & CEO of Lamb Enterprises LLC

Relationships 101 Book Release

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This book has been a labor of love. Mainly because it contains stories from my own relationships and journey, as well as some from soul health clients. I cannot think of anything that can negatively or positively impact a life more than relationships. I believe we were created to have thriving relationships, yet it can be the most stressful parts of a person’s life. I had to learn some lessons the hard way and I call those wisdom bumps. You don’t need to learn everything via suffering. You can learn from my experiences and those of my clients.

Several of my favorite chapters are, “A Healthy Relationship Starts with You,” “Stop Talking to Snakes,” “Are You Watering Dead Plants,” and “Where is He Leading You.” I have an entire section devoted to the interesting characters. It focuses on the “God told me,” people and narcissists. It covers the breadcrumbers (the people who do just enough to keep you connected, yet they invest nothing substantial in you). There is a section on green flags and how to spot a healthy relationship. I put my heart and soul into this book. It covers family, work, friendship, dating, and marriage.

I’ve worked with countless couples in soul healing to see their marriages restored. All but 1 reconciled. The one couple that did not reconcile was because he preferred to be with men. I believe numerous relationships can be restored. Those that cannot, we can learn from them.

I learned I was an overinvestor. I desired to love people the way God loves me and in the end it left me with major deficits in my life. I invested in people while receiving little to nothing in return. I am worth more than that. I also forgave people over and over who mistreated me, yet they were not repentant nor of high quality. I accepted less than what I wanted in relationships. I was a blessing to people who were not a blessing in return. It sounds noble to be selfless, yet I will tell you confidently that God desires more for you!

There is a chapter called Pivot and I had to pivot. I changed. I removed some connections, changed my phone number, stopped being the initiator, ceased giving people countless chances to use/abuse me, and I stopped settling (there is an entire chapter devoted to settling). It’s vital we know what we want, know our own value/worth, and we stop settling for less!

The eBook was released last week and the paperback will be available within the next week. I hope you grab a copy and share with friends.

Link to pick up the eBook: https://a.co/d/5Mryfc4

With Kind Regards,

Erin Lamb

Founder & CEO of Lamb Enterprises LLC and Operation God is Love

Breaking Free…Relationships 101

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Of all the books I’ve authored, I am the most excited about the next book. Relationships 101 will hopefully assist people with stepping into incredible relationships and setting boundaries in the less than stellar ones. I hope the book sets people free from settling for the bare minimum in connections and the religious teachings that keep people stuck.

I wanted July 7th to be the official release date, yet I am most likely pushing out for a number of reasons. I prefer it’s exactly what it needs to be rather than pushed out the door swiftly.

One of my desires with this book is people easily learn lessons I learned the hard way or my soul health clients had to learn the hard way. I hope women especially take the lessons and apply them to their lives.

The people we choose to be connected to in ministry/church, friendship, dating, marriage, work…they matter! These connections can elevate or deflate a person’s life. These relationships can add value or subtract value. Every relationship, if we are invested, is requiring something from us. They require time, energy, love, support, encouragement, and more depending on the level of intimacy. Choosing the wrong person or people can change the trajectory of your life.

Despite religious people saying God works all things together for good, count it all joy, and God redeems the times…You and I should not have to be dragged into hell to know that fire is hot. God’s ability to turn a mess into a message should not be a reason to pursue a mess.

I cannot tell you the amount of unnecessary hell, irritation, frustration, stress, and confusion connections with the wrong people brought into my life. That time could have been spent enjoying life, resting, enjoying my youth, connecting with people and places that actually desired to value who I am as a human being. Instead, I was trying to reveal the love of Jesus to every person I met. Even if they were Judas in return or added no value to my life. I was seeking to add value to everyone while not asking for much in return. Therefore, what I received in return was minimal. People could call me one of their best friends, and I could not return the sentiment.

I had to learn that God desired the best for me in every area of my life, including relationships. It’s prudent to note that someone who is not best for us may be a wonderful fit for someone else. I don’t fit with everyone, nor will you. The key is figuring out what works best for you, loving yourself the way God does, and refusing to settle for less than what you’d like in a relationship.

Wisdom is a good thing, the principle thing. Relationships 101 is a foundational book of wisdom nuggets. I hope you pick up the new book and check out the first three books: I Thought I Knew What Love Was, Confident & Free, and Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse. All three are available on Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.com.

The Bestseller of the three is Confident & Free. You can get yours here: https://a.co/d/8EPim9V

Warm Regards,

Erin Lamb

Relationships 101 Book Coming…

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Looking back over my life, I’ve made decisions to love people far more than they’ve loved or demonstrated to me. This sacrificial, never demanding reciprocation type, love was applauded by Christians around me. What I learned was (overall) there were not as many people looking out for my best interests on a consistent basis, nor my well-being, my mental/emotional health, or even what I desired out of relationships.

The guidance was, “If you do all these sacrificial things for the church, community, or other people…God will take care of you. God will meet all your needs. Therefore, you should be proud that you invest so much of your self in others while expecting nothing in return.”

It sounds so lovely! Part is true; another part forsakes wisdom.

Love is not selfish. Love pursues the highest good for others. Love does what is honoring. The part that is missing is God is not requiring us to be friends with, date, or marry people who are consumers in our lives. The “God is so proud of you, yet ask nothing of me in return,” is a way for people to make sure they or their church/ministry are benefited with little to no requirements to do anything in return. The lie told is that “you are doing this for God so it’s what God wants for you.”

I have learned throughout my life plenty of people put God’s name on what benefits their best interests and desires. God desires you serve until you’re burned out, instead of God provides you with a brain and wisdom. Therefore, examine what is reasonable and do not over extend yourself. God desires you give as much money as you can to the church and God will repay you. Truth is that church or ministry desires your funds and only if you give with the right motives will it be credited to you. You are not to give under compulsion.

The truth is as follows: God actually desires that we are in healthy, reciprocal relationships that are life giving. God desires we are loved in return. In a friendship, dating, or marriage there should be some reciprocation, mutual investment, mutual respect and care.

There is a difference between ministry, charity, and a friendship. Ministry and charity involve serving in many capacities without receiving anything in return. A relationship is a partnership of two people who mutually invest, support, and give love. It’s not intended to be persistent one sidedness in dating, friendship, or marriage. Yes, there may be a season or seasons where people cannot reciprocate; they are sick, deployed somewhere else, or they cannot invest any time/love/support. It is abnormal to be connected in relationships with people who do nothing but receive (unless it is a baby/child).

What about God? Does He give to us expecting nothing in return. People say “God expects nothing.” In relationship with God, God asks for faithfulness, faith, love, loyalty, that we listen to sound guidance, to go through His Son, and for our entire lives. God loves everyone! God is NOT in a relationship with everyone. Jesus ministered to many people with deep love who never chose Him. They never reciprocated love. They never turned towards Him. And while people will tell you that those people are in a relationship with Jesus, God does not force connection. Jesus said, “whoever desires to be my disciple must deny themselves, pick up their cross and follow me.” Meaning, “I am requiring something of you to be in relationship with me.”

Though people say you cannot waste time, any love you give cannot and is not wasted, I disagree. I do believe if we love with pure intentions there is reward from God. I also believe we can waste our own time by dating the wrong people, befriending the wrong people, and marrying the wrong person. I have had copious client’s suffering through horrible relationships; they are stressed, burned out, and depressed.

I do not believe God ordains all these tumultuous relationships to teach people something or break them down so far they cry out for help. I think humans, myself included, choose people or allow people to choose us who are not for our greatest good. Once in the relationship there is a desire for God to bless it. Yes, there is one known relationship I’ve read of in the Bible where God encouraged a prophet to marry someone we would not consider marriage material. I don’t believe God is ordaining every dysfunctional relationship.

I hope my next book, Relationships 101, helps people to forgo wasting their time, energy, gifts, heart with people who will not properly steward those things. The plan is to launch the book later this year!

God wants the best, not sub par relationships for you!

Warmly,

Erin Lamb

Transformation (The Old Must Go in Order to Grow)

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I’ve spent years of my life assisting others via prayer, mentoring, discipleship, free counseling, community service, and friendship. I have served when I was in mountain top seasons and valley seasons. I have loved and served people who would betray me or abandon me for petty reasons. I provided for others when I needed assistance. There are people who may clap for this form of service. I learned that it was depleting my soul. I learned God did not desire I give the best of me away to people who would use, abuse, neglect, abandon, or betray. Despite what Christian culture was teaching, I grew to believe that God loved me more than what was presented to me by Christians.

I had a choice to make. I could remain the same or change. There are typically two motivators for change for humans; reward or pain. I believe pain is the greatest of the two because if the cut is deep enough, it transforms us into someone different.

When I first started playing guitar, my finger pads were soft and squishy. Over time, there were callouses that formed. The soft and squishy skin became something rough and able to withstand the pressing of hard strings against my skin. I believe over the years and navigation through challenging relationships with people created callouses on my heart. I still love people, yet I am not soft the way I was. I am no longer bound by toxic loyalty to those who can easily walk away from me. I am no longer giving people dozens of opportunities to reveal they do not care about anyone but themselves. I am no longer giving the best of my time, energy, life, or resources to the entitled or ungrateful.

Pain can be a profound teacher. It taught me to limit the level of access people have to my life. It’s taught me that every person who claims to love me or Jesus is not speaking from a place of truth, even if they believe it is truth. I often wonder if Judas believed he loved Jesus.

It is prudent to understand that love seeks to do no harm to others. Making statements about love is not the same as actually loving. I learned that Christian “nice” is not the same as agape love. I learned politics mattered more to people than I do. I learned that lonely people will take up loads of your time and when they no longer have need of you, they will throw you away or say-“I have nothing in common with you.” Your love and investment will not matter. Their greatest concern is self.

Pain taught me to examine exactly what I desire in people connected to my life instead of primarily focusing on what I can offer others. I learned that selflessness not coupled with wisdom can bankrupt the soul. It is careless to have an abundance of people who have access to us. I also learned there are people like Judas who are willing to sit at your table while planning your demise. Therefore, it is wisdom to pray to God for wisdom regarding every relationship.

My encouragement to you is that you are only stuck if you believe that you are stuck. You can change. I did. You can shift your life from so so and mismatched connections to compatible relationships where you can thrive. I do not believe we were intended to merely survive life. I believe we are destined to thrive. I believe God desires His best for us. You do not have to remain the same. Look at your life and examine what is fruit bearing versus taking up time while lacking substance. Ask yourself if you are the giver while most relationships are with consumers. Look around at your surroundings and ask yourself if you are encouraged, inspired, becoming more like Jesus, growing in a positive way, loved, cherished, appreciated, celebrated, or if you are planted someplace where your roots are drying up from neglect.

One of my favorite quotes is, “If a flower does not bloom, fix the environment not the flower.” There are good people and places. Good is the enemy of great. Do you want great? Or mediocre? Do you desire to grow or remain the same?

I have plants in my home that are currently root bound. They cannot grow past their current environment. Some I placed on the second floor and due to lack of light, they began to die. You and I can shrivel up in the wrong environment and in connections with the wrong people. It does not mean they are bad people, they are simply not the proper connections for our destiny.

Staying where we don’t belong is a choice. Leaving is a choice. The key is we have a choice. If we desire a different outcome, we must make different choices. I’ve made choices to cease listening to the counsel of “Christians” who promote toxic relationships and to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. I made choices to remove access for hundreds of people to my personal life. I made the choice to cease over investing in people and places that do not value who I am. I made the choice to be someone different, less accessible, and less open to befriending just anyone. To some callouses are bad. I believe they are necessary to provide a layer of protection for us from those who have destructive tendencies. The softest parts of us belong with safe people, not everyone. The most vulnerable parts of our lives are for God and those who are committed to love us, not just people from churches who proclaim love without the fruit of love.

I hope my next book, Relationships 101 assists people with walking in wisdom. I hope you purchase the book and learn from my mistakes as well as triumphs. I hope God uses my story and lessons learned to mitigate horror and trauma in relationships for other people. You are not stuck. You don’t need to live a mediocre life. Settling is a choice! Change your choices, change your life.

Join my business website to be the first to have access to the new book! Empowered-Free.com.

You are also invited to join my April webinar on finding freedom from financial trauma. Unhealed trauma can lead to poor decisions regarding finances. Learn how I doubled my net worth in a short period of time and how you can find freedom in your finances today. Seats are limited…https://www.empowered-free.com/event-info/healing-financial-trauma.

Warmly,

Erin Lamb