What Is Love?
Feelings are indicators, but they were never meant to be dictators.
People who live solely by their feelings are often more vulnerable to making unwise choices. What we call “the feeling of love” can sometimes be nothing more than attraction, chemistry, infatuation, or lust. While those experiences are real, they are not the same thing as genuine love.
Genuine love seeks the highest good of another person.
Genuine love does not cheat. It does not build itself on deception, manipulation, or countless lies. Genuine love shows up in real life, not merely in DMs, text messages, or behind a phone or computer screen. It is characterized by integrity. It invests. It supports. It does not create confusion. Instead, it offers clarity, security, and safety.
Our culture often tells us to do whatever feels good. We are encouraged to focus on falling in love rather than learning how to sustain healthy love. Feelings are elevated above choices, and emotions above character.
Yet healthy relationships require something deeper.
There will be moments when you must choose to love. Choose to forgive. Choose to place another person’s legitimate needs ahead of your own preferences. Choose honesty when a lie would be easier. Choose faithfulness when no one is watching.
Love is more than chemistry and emotions.
In healthy relationships, there may even be seasons when people question why they are together at all. During those moments, the choice to do right by another person often speaks louder than any emotion. Love reveals itself through the decisions we make, both in the presence of the person we claim to love and when they are nowhere around.
This is why I have sometimes struggled with statements like, “I love them, but I had an affair,” or “I love them, but I betrayed them.”
It is certainly possible to love someone and still make poor decisions. Love does not override human free will. However, love should cause us to ask important questions:
“Am I positioning myself to harm someone I care about?”
Love operates at a higher level than simple attraction, lust, or enjoyment of someone’s company. Genuine love says:
“I will pursue this person’s highest good, even when it costs me something.”
One of my favorite verses on love is Romans 13:10:
“Love fulfills the law because love seeks to do no harm to its neighbor.”
The Amplified Bible expands the thought beautifully:
“Love does no wrong to a neighbor [it never hurts anyone]. Therefore [unselfish] love is the fulfillment of the Law.”
Imagine how different our world would be if genuine love became the operating principle in every relationship. Sadly, we do not see that reality everywhere. Here are a few reasons why.
1. We Can Only Give Away What We Possess
The love we offer others is drawn from the reservoir of love within us.
In some Christian circles, people are taught to love God, love others, and put themselves last. Yet Scripture presents a different order. We love because God first loved us. We are then called to love God and love our neighbors as we love ourselves.
The pattern is clear: receive love from God, return love to God, and then extend that love to others.
The source of pure, genuine love is not human effort. The source is God Himself.
2. Selfishness Has Become Socially Acceptable
Many cultures applaud selfishness, narcissism, and hyper-independence while minimizing sacrificial care for others.
I appreciate the distinction:
“Selfishness is placing your wants above the legitimate needs of others. Self-care is placing your legitimate needs above the wants of others.”
Another observation that rings true is:
“People are not against you. They are primarily for themselves.”
Much of modern culture encourages us to prioritize ourselves above everyone else. Genuine love challenges that mindset. It calls us to consider how our choices and behaviors affect other human beings.
3. Unhealed Wounds Make Love Difficult
Authentic love becomes more challenging when we are carrying unresolved pain.
Father wounds, mother wounds, childhood trauma, rejection, betrayal, loss, neglect, abuse, and relational disappointments all leave marks on the soul. We were created by love, for love, and to love. We were not created for abandonment, mistreatment, or betrayal.
These painful experiences are reflections of a broken world. They are not reflections of God’s heart.
The good news is that healing is possible.
God can heal emotional wounds. The goal is not to become so guarded that no one can get close to us. The goal is to learn from painful experiences, heal from them, and develop healthy boundaries that allow us to love wisely and well.
The Transformative Power of God’s Love
My hope through writing books, facilitating soul-healing sessions, and sharing through this blog is simple: that people encounter the genuine love of God.
I believe it is the most transformative force in the universe.
God’s love changes lives. It teaches us to seek the highest good of others. It moves us to invest unselfishly, support faithfully, speak honestly, walk in integrity, show honor, remain loyal, and look for ways to add value rather than diminish those around us.
Only God’s love is perfectly pure.
When movies portray two people meeting and instantly falling in love, remember that such feelings have not yet been tested. What appears to be love may actually be attraction, chemistry, or lust.
True love grows through knowing someone and choosing them.
Love is not merely an emotion we fall into. Love is expressed through the choices we make. It is choosing to do right by another person, even when it is difficult. It is choosing their highest good. It is choosing faithfulness, honesty, and integrity over momentary gratification.
That is genuine love.
If you’d like to learn more about building healthy relationships, check out Relationships 101: Foundational Wisdom for Better Relationships.
Erin Lamb
