Tag: relationships

Hospital or Hospice

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I love Yeshua. I love the person of Jesus and all He represents. I have been challenged over the course of my life by what people call “Christianity” vs. what I read in the Bible regarding the ministry of Jesus, the operations of the early church, and the guidance provided to followers of Jesus on how to behave. My heart is not to judge other Christians, nor the church. The assessment of who belongs to Jesus vs. who is going through the motions is not my job. I am not the Holy Spirit. What I will say is there is a great turning away from the organized religion of Christianity because many people are struggling to encounter Jesus within the culture.

I have heard people over the years judge people who leave churches with various statements and I desire to address some of those.

  1. “You still go to work if your boss or your colleagues mistreat you, so you need to come to church regardless of how people treat you here.” What’s wrong with this statement? Well, work is where they pay you to show up and perform. You are free to find another job if your employer treats you poorly. If it’s not a safe place, you have means to address these issues such as Human Resources, OSHA, or agencies dedicated to fair business practices. Your employer is in a contract with you to perform certain services for you while you serve their business. I doubt many people would show up to work if they were not paid to do so. No one pays you to go to church. You give the church money! You serve for free at the church (unless you are on staff) and often little appreciation if you are a volunteer. You are told you are doing this for God and to fulfill his mandate to you. Yet, the church is not to be held accountable to God’s guidance for leadership or how people are to be treated. The church, ministers, lay members are to be given grace/mercy/forgiveness and little to no accountability. There are ways to legally hold employers liable for abuse. So, yes people will go to work over going to church if there is a abuse. People can meet with God in their homes and forgo being mishandled by Christians in a building. Instead of anger over people staying home, ask why they don’t want to come.
  2. “This generation simply hates God and tradition.” What’s wrong with this statement? Well, I interact with the “younger generations” and those who are jaded by church. 99.9% of them I have encountered do not hate God or the Biblical representation of Jesus. They hate the hypocrisy of the church. They hate the turning a blind eye to racism, sexism, bigotry, and the obsession with a certain political party. I will say it here even if I lose followers-the obsession church people have over presidential nominee Trump led millions of people out of the church. I know it it cleared out a good number of my relationships. Why? Because there are countless Christians who said, “God chose this for us! No matter what Trump says or does (even if it grossly misrepresents Jesus) we will stand by him. We are willing to ditch our friends, the teachings of Jesus, our family, and anything or anyone not in agreement with him.” Millions of people left the church. And when I have spoken to supporters of this movement, they do not seem to care. I promise Jesus cares. Additionally, some of what Christians call the “traditions of God” are nothing more than the traditions of the religious. It’s void of the actual heart and teachings of Jesus. There is no ambiguity in who Jesus is nor what he stood for. Our “traditions” are not more important than the work of the Holy Spirit in people’s lives. Jesus offended the religious of his day and their traditions. He called them blind guides. They led people into religious bondage. I’ve found people desire authentic Jesus of Nazareth, not the religion of the church.
  3. “You can’t say anything negative about God’s church because he will defend his bride.” Well, if you read the New Testament there are letters to the churches of CORRECTION. Say what? Though people love to pick and choose what parts of Apostle Paul’s letters they pay attention to-he sent letters of correction and rebukes to Christians and churches. “Who has bewitched you? Are you are servant of Paul or of Christ?” I’ve read the Bible from cover to cover numerous times. God corrects his own people. He sent prophets in the Old Testament and apostles in the New Testament times. God does not give the church a pass to do whatever they want with zero accountability. It is because of God’s love that we are offered correction. “God disciplines those he calls a child,” (Hebrews 12:6).
  4. “Church is just a hospital for sick people, do not expect people to treat you right here.” This is my least favorite of them all. I would like for people to stop saying this. Hospitals are places where the sick go with the intention of recovery. Nurses and doctors work to assist people with getting BETTER! You are supposed to get better. If the people at our churches come evil (sick) and leave behaving like the devil (sick), then it’s not a hospital-it’s HOSPICE. Hospice is the place where people go sick, they stay sick until they die. Churches are not hospitals nor should they be hospice. The ministry of Jesus radically transformed people’s lives. They left him either offended or better. The church is intended to be a place where people GROW UP! Where they spiritually, emotionally, and mentally grow up. It is supposed to be a place where people become more like Christ in their heart and behaviors. I want people to stop using this excuse and examine why there are toxic behaving people in our churches who are offered no accountability or mentoring.

I truly believe when God said, “Be imitators of Christ,” he meant it (see Ephesians 5:1). Christians are supposed to behavior better than the non believing! Our character is supposed to better. We are supposed to be more loving, honest, faithful, and compassionate. The people who do not know God calling the church to a higher standard is righteous. Jesus stated we would recognize his genuine disciples by their unselfish love (agape love).

Blaming people we mistreat for not desiring connection with the church or Christians is futile. Most are not running from God. They are running from people who claim to know God and behave nothing like Jesus. They are disinterested in being used, abused, mistreated, ghosted, gas lit, abandoned for no legit reason, experiencing apathy, and a genuine lack of God love. Expecting people to subject themselves to mismanagement of their heart, time, or resources is unjust. I believe there is an issue within Christian communities of entitlement (people owe me relationship/friendship or access while I provide nothing good in return) and a deep lack of abiding in God love.

I have been mishandled by countless Christians. Do I forgive them? Yes. Do I pray for them? Yes. Do I want to continue to engage in close connection with them? NO! I do not. Why? Because my time on earth is limited and I need to complete what God sent me here to do. I allowed way too many Christians to waste my time. What they need is therapy, counseling to deal with their bad relationship habits, to accept responsibility for their poor stewardship of people, and some may need an exorcism. I am not joking. I grew tired of being mishandled so I ceased initiating with people who did not reciprocate goodness. It’s unwise to keep pouring into people, opportunities, or organizations where you are not valued. Please don’t believe the lie I was taught that if I gave my all to Christians God would replenish me. It kept me trapped in cycles of unnecessary trauma, drama, and it was a distraction. God re-planted me with people who value who I am and what I offer. I am currently surrounded by people who mutually invest, they initiate goodness, and I don’t have to do all the work. God cares how we treat people and how they treat us! People need to choose to work on themselves.

How do we move into loving like God? We must know God’s love for ourselves. I hope there is a breaking away from the false teaching of “Love God, love your neighbor, and love yourself last.” I think it has crippled countless Christians. The Bible is clear we are to love our neighbor AS we love ourselves. The God centered pathway of love is as follows: Receive love from God, love God and yourself, then go love your neighbor AS you love yourself. Too many people are attempting to love people from their own well and it’s empty. A bankrupt person has nothing to offer you! If I do not love myself, I cannot love you or anyone else.

Religion and our religious traditions do not make us more Christlike. Relationship with Jesus of Nazareth and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit transforms us from the inside out.

How to treat people better:

a. Ditch entitlement. People don’t owe us relationship, access, connection, ministry, forgiveness, love, friendship, service to our church or ministry. These things are gifts. If improperly stewarded, you may lose a connection/relationship. The grass grows where you water it! Be grateful if someone is good to you.

b. Do not ask of people what you would not be willing to do! Please stop this. If you are not willing to give up your vacation to go serve someone, don’t ask them to do it. Yes, this has happened to me. People call me on vacation with their prayer needs or expect me to give up vacay to see them. They have a pastor, call them.

c. Show up as an investor instead of a consumer. Reciprocate. You serve instead of desiring everyone else serve you. Reach out when you don’t need prayer, help, support, or you’re bored or lonely.

d. Your politics are not more important than Jesus. I don’t care who you vote for, simply cease adding Jesus’ name onto your party or person of preference.

e. Work on you. Deal with soul wounds and bad habits. If you mistreat people, ask for forgiveness. Don’t just show up years later as though you have done nothing wrong. Be accountable for your choices and treatment of people.

This is a long post, yet I hope it helps someone!

Love,

Erin

Breaking Free…Relationships 101

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Of all the books I’ve authored, I am the most excited about the next book. Relationships 101 will hopefully assist people with stepping into incredible relationships and setting boundaries in the less than stellar ones. I hope the book sets people free from settling for the bare minimum in connections and the religious teachings that keep people stuck.

I wanted July 7th to be the official release date, yet I am most likely pushing out for a number of reasons. I prefer it’s exactly what it needs to be rather than pushed out the door swiftly.

One of my desires with this book is people easily learn lessons I learned the hard way or my soul health clients had to learn the hard way. I hope women especially take the lessons and apply them to their lives.

The people we choose to be connected to in ministry/church, friendship, dating, marriage, work…they matter! These connections can elevate or deflate a person’s life. These relationships can add value or subtract value. Every relationship, if we are invested, is requiring something from us. They require time, energy, love, support, encouragement, and more depending on the level of intimacy. Choosing the wrong person or people can change the trajectory of your life.

Despite religious people saying God works all things together for good, count it all joy, and God redeems the times…You and I should not have to be dragged into hell to know that fire is hot. God’s ability to turn a mess into a message should not be a reason to pursue a mess.

I cannot tell you the amount of unnecessary hell, irritation, frustration, stress, and confusion connections with the wrong people brought into my life. That time could have been spent enjoying life, resting, enjoying my youth, connecting with people and places that actually desired to value who I am as a human being. Instead, I was trying to reveal the love of Jesus to every person I met. Even if they were Judas in return or added no value to my life. I was seeking to add value to everyone while not asking for much in return. Therefore, what I received in return was minimal. People could call me one of their best friends, and I could not return the sentiment.

I had to learn that God desired the best for me in every area of my life, including relationships. It’s prudent to note that someone who is not best for us may be a wonderful fit for someone else. I don’t fit with everyone, nor will you. The key is figuring out what works best for you, loving yourself the way God does, and refusing to settle for less than what you’d like in a relationship.

Wisdom is a good thing, the principle thing. Relationships 101 is a foundational book of wisdom nuggets. I hope you pick up the new book and check out the first three books: I Thought I Knew What Love Was, Confident & Free, and Overcoming Church Hurt & Abuse. All three are available on Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.com.

The Bestseller of the three is Confident & Free. You can get yours here: https://a.co/d/8EPim9V

Warm Regards,

Erin Lamb

It’s Been Awhile…

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It’s more challenging to blog without WordPress on my phone, yet making time today to write from my laptop. Life has shifted dramatically since I last penned a blog. My father has moved locally due to his health concerns. I was promoted to a leadership position in corporate and took on a staff of 8, now I have 5. My leadership responsibilities have expanded. Similar to previous seasons, I have not been seeking leadership opportunities. They’ve found me. Someone told me, “God must trust you.” I confess there are moments where I desire to whisper back to God, “You can trust me less.”

I spent last summer remodeling my house and upgrading things that were long overdue. Redecorating and remodeling brought more joy than I expected. Beyond the house things, I ventured to Hawaii last autumn and fell in love with the islands. What’s not to love? It lead me to invest in time share properties there so I can visit yearly if I’d like to do so. I took the leap to travel to Costa Rica this spring and fell head over heels for the people, the country, and the culture. Pura Vida is certainly a motto I brought home with me. It’s the pure life, the good life, and make the most of life.

I believe it’s imperative to make the most out of life. I share what I have been doing not to boast of the good. It’s hopefully to inspire you not to wait to live! I have spent a good portion of my life serving the church, leading bible studies, helping the poor, going on mission trips, giving the coat of my back to people in need. I gave until it hurt me. I mentored, loved, prayed, interceded, and attempted to share what God gave me. 2020 was a tremendous wake up call for me that I was investing more in loving people that I was in loving myself.

The people I so freely opened my life and heart to, would easily vacate my life over politics, face masks, or the social justice imbalances highlighted in society. I learned the people I had extended love, mercy, forgiveness, friendship, encouragement, and the best of me to, were not interested in loving me the way Jesus told them to…I was expected to love. They could do as they pleased.

God instructed me and you to love our neighbor’s AS we love ourselves, not MORE than we love ourselves. I was failing at loving myself with the same intensity and intentional focus as I was loving people in the church. I was showing up to serve when exhausted, hurting, in need, in pain, and putting others first. Isn’t that what we are supposed to do as “Good Christians”? I learned religion taught me things that God never intended to be. God expects we will take care of ourselves, set boundaries, have balance and love ourselves.

The journey since 2020 lead me to write…and though I have not been blogging, I have been journaling and writing books. The next book, which is currently finishing up and heading to editors, is focused on foundational wisdom for relationships. I include things I wish I knew earlier and insight from the past 8 years of doing soul healing sessions with people. There is nothing I can think of outside of disease that has derailed more lives and hearts than relationships. The people who’ve done the most damage in my life have been bible thumping Christians.

Sadly, a chunk of the counsel we are given in religious circles leads to toxic relationships and abuse. I know the pressure to stay connected to people who made my life hell or they added zero value. I was encouraged to give everyone access and friendship, that forgives means reconciliation, and I was not to consider what I needed in connections. All of that guidance is incorrect.

“A companion of fools suffers harm,”-Proverbs 13:20.

“Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people,”- Proverbs 22:24.

“He who walks with the wise will become wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed.”-add’l view of Proverbs 13:20.

God actually cares who we connect ourselves with and intended for relationships to be mutually beneficial, not one sided. Relationships were designed by God so we could experience the love of God through another person. God desires we have relationships that reveal His heart for us, encourage, strengthen, affirm, correct, refine, and help us step into destiny and calling. I looked around my life and I was doing copious amounts of giving and not much was flowing back. I am looking at the grand sum of connections, I do have some that are balanced. The unbalanced ones were mostly tied to church people. Before you insert, “You should give expecting nothing in return,” I want to challenge you with these thoughts.

  1. Charity is intended to be done with little to no expectation of reciprocation of relationship/connection.
  2. Charity is NOT the same as having a close friendship, partnership, or marriage.
  3. If every connection you have is you giving and no one ever reciprocates, you are not in a relationship. You are doing ministry/charity.
  4. Jesus offers us salvation and asks for our entire lives. It’s not a one sided relationship (though people paint it as such). He expects something in return. Jesus also ministered to the disciples AND asked them to stay up and pray for Him.

This next book, Relationships 101, I pray helps people to see where they may be missing out on God’s best in connections. I hope it helps people to forego being heartbroken. I believe there are things that need to be adjusted and refined in Christian teaching on relationships. I believe this because of the number of couples I see in soul healing sessions who are living in hell and told just to keep praying and God will magically fix everything. The truth is God gave us a brain and heart on purpose. We have things we need to do to have healthy relationships. One of them is to ask for wisdom. Another is to have proper boundaries. The last nugget I will leave you with is to ponder why you are spending time with the people around you and are you becoming more like Christ as a result?

My encouragement is make sure you are receiving God’s love for yourself and seeking to love yourself as God does. We cannot give away that which we do not possess. Love yourself! If you struggle with this concept, ask God for assistance. The relationship we have with ourselves sets the tone for all our connections. If we do not appropriately love ourselves, we will accept less that what God would offer us in relationships with others.

I hope you pick up the book when it’s released later this year and share with others! God longs for us to have life giving, not life draining connections.

Love,

Erin Lamb

Founder & CEO of Lamb Enterprises LLC and Operation God is Love (OGL

Want Better? Become Better!

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I have been more focused on writing about relationships because for the past 6 years I have been doing a process called soul healing with people. I have seen countless clients in toxic repeating relationships. I also had to examine my own life and what I was settling for in friendships and connections.

It’s quite easy to blame other people. It requires maturity and growth to examine our role in the problem. If something negative keeps repeating in our lives, the common denominator is us. I will speak from my own experiences first, then add below the post on becoming better.

I had a bad habit of giving people the benefit of the doubt, allowing people too much access to my life without properly vetting them (this was mainly Christian friendships), and I would befriend anyone-even the people others avoided. I soon learned why people avoided them. 🙂 I over gave to people who did not match my effort, nor valued my time. I introduced my “friends” to each other and eventually they formed their own cliques and treated me like an outsider.

I had to become better and be a better steward of my heart and life. No one else will do this for you! God won’t force people to love you, care for you, invest in you, or value who you are. YOU MUST LOVE YOU! You must decide to look at your weak points and become better. I promise when you focus on becoming the best version of yourself, loving yourself as God does, setting better boundaries, getting your soul healed, you will attract better people and tolerate less nonsense from people.

I started a quest of becoming better, wiser, and a better steward of myself. My life drastically changed. I don’t have a plethora of people I call my friend, yet the ones I do are A+ instead of F- or wishy washy.

I hope the post from my Facebook (FB) author page (facebook.com/erinlambauthor) helps and blesses you.

FB Post from 12/18/2021:

I meet people frequently who cry out for God’s best without actually asking God to help them be the best version of themselves. They want a Rolls Royce life with a dump truck mindset. They desire high quality friends without being a high quality person. They want the best, yet truth be told they are not working on their issues, soul wounds, attitude, selfishness, greed, lust, irresponsibility, or lack of wisdom. I love what Dr. Myles Monroe said, “God does not give you everything you ask for. God gives you what you demonstrate you can steward well.” If you desire better options in life, I highly recommend the following:

1. Looking at what you bring to the table. Would you want to date you, befriend you, trust you, hire you, be best friends with you, be in business with you? If not, work on you. Ask God to help you be better.

2. Examine your mindset. Our thoughts direct our path. If your mind is a swamp, ask God to clean it out. Swamp thinking: critical, constantly negative, deception, self loathing, shame, hatred, laziness, victim mindset, lust, perverted thoughts.

3. Examine if you love and accept you. Desiring personal growth and development is not self hatred, it is love. It is possible to have flaws and still love oneself. If you and I do not love ourselves as God does, we attract and/or seek out people who won’t love us either. If you examine your relationships, the ones you chose, they are a reflection of how you feel about yourself.

4. How do you manage or appreciate what God already gave you? If God gives you a person or gift, how to do care for them? Don’t ask for more or His best if you don’t take care of what you already have.

I want to give you a personal example. People have told me to buy a bigger house. I do not need a bigger house just to be fancy. A bigger house is more square footage to clean and upkeep. I know what I can handle. I know my schedule is loaded. At this point in life, I do not need a massive yard and mega mansion. I can put more money towards helping the poor.

I will give you another example. What we do not take care of breaks down. Take care of your body, soul, and spirit. I found myself in a season where I was just irritated by everyone. I had neglected rest and self care. Client loads started slowing. It was good because I needed to recoup. God does not give us more than we can manage well.

Be better!

  • Read books.
  • Renew your mind.
  • Deal with your toxic mindsets and behaviors.
  • Get 360 feedback; ask friends or family how you can love them better.
  • Deal with poor views of self; you attract how you feel about you.
  • Address poor boundaries.
  • Be a person of integrity and honor.
  • Talk to people rather than behind their backs.
  • Invest as much as you take, if not more.
  • Don’t be a leech in people’s lives.
  • Deal with the lies you believe.
  • Get your soul healed.
  • Eat right and exercise.
  • Give thanks for what you do have!
  • Take care of and appreciate what you have!
  • Ask God to help you become better!
  • Develop your skills.
  • Invite God into your weaknesses.
  • Aim to be the best version of you!!

It’s not about perfectionism, as there is no perfection outside of God. It’s about excellence and growth. The more whole we are on the inside, the better opportunities, relationships, and connections occur. Focus on becoming the best version of you and the right people and opportunities will chase you! I have been blown away by the opportunities and people I have met since I started changing myself. Obviously God is a tremendous part of the transformation, yet I had to make a decision that I was tired of being sick and tired of bad friendships and drama.

I will tell that the quest for my own soul healing, personal development and growth, meant some people walked out of my life. Some vacated without any warning and a few said they had nothing in common with me anymore. I bless them and it was for the best. I think if they had stayed in my life, I would not be on the same trajectory. They did me a favor. God upgraded my life and continues to do so. Destiny people don’t disappear, and God withholds nothing good (Psalm 84:11).

Cheering for you and I pray you put as much energy into loving yourself as you do loving others.

Love,

Erin Lamb

CEO & Founder of Lamb Enterprises LLC, Empowered & Free Merch, and Operation God is Love

Empowered-Free.com

EmpoweredandFreeMerch.com

OperationGodislove.org

#BecomeBetter#Relationships

Marry a Kingdom Person, Not a “Christian”

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Being a Christian is a label in my country that can mean many things. It does not mean that person has a personal relationship with Jesus, obeys Jesus, nor that they even understand who Jesus is. Jesus spoke more about the Kingdom of God than anything else. Don’t let the prophets for profit convince you He talked most about money. He didn’t. I have met countless people who claim Jesus; they do not mirror any aspects of what He said would mark His followers. This includes clergy, pastors, platform ministers with millions of followers. 

Please don’t be fooled by a label, church attendance, and someone saying they are Christian. I had a lady tell me a guy brought his bible on a date. I asked, “Does he live anything in that bible?” It’s not what he says he is, it’s what he is living. 

I would not recommend for anyone desiring marriage to just seek out a Christian person. I have counseled countless people abused by Christians. Gosh, I have been treated like utter trash by quite a few professing Christians. 

A person who truly seeks first the Kingdom of God: 

1. Has a healthy view of the Lord so they will seek to honor God in their interactions with you, knowing they answer to God for their treatment of you. 

2. Will pursue honor, integrity, love, and mutual service and submission. It’s not one sided. 

3. Will repent when they sin and offer forgiveness to you when you sin. 

4. Will yield to God for pruning and godly growth. 

5. Pursues God and their own spiritual health with God. They do not expect you to be their god. 

6. Serves others, has the heart of a servant.

7. Walks in purity. They care about maintaining their purity with God and you. 

8. Builds God’s Kingdom and helps establish it on earth. 

9. Pursues unselfish love! 

10. Cares about the least, last, lost. They share the gospel and make disciples. 

11. Has regular communion with God and discipline of a disciple. 

12. Is a wise steward of what God has given, knowing they are accountable. Where much is given, much is required. 

13. Loves God more than they love you or anyone or anything else. 

14. Listens to God and wise counsel. 

15. Cares about what is best for you, unselfish love. 

16. Pursues you for the highest good, not their personal or lustful gain. 

17. Honesty, loyalty, commitment to do what they promise to do. 

18. Willing to confront you in love about sin or error. 

19. Talks to you to build connection not about you behind your back or so harshly its abusive. 

20. Views you as an equal, not a subordinate. 

21. Takes accountability for their own choices. 

22. Seeks to add value to your life. 

23. Seeks to obey God. 

24. Is passionate about God and their relationship is growing. 

25. Isn’t in love with marriage, a wedding, or the idea of marriage. They are fully in love with Jesus. 

A Kingdom person views life through God’s lens. They seek to do the will of God. They are sold out for Jesus. So, they are not trying to devour you, use you, get you into sin, get you into sexual immorality. They are pursuing God’s best for themselves and you. 

I will be honest that I have met more “Christians” than Kingdom people. It saddens me because Jesus is grossly misrepresented by the masses. My encouragement for those who want to marry is “Seek first the Kingdom of God and all His righteousness.” Instead of, “God gimmie!!” Say, “God prepare me. Help me to be a Kingdom person. Help me to love you most and yield to your purposes. God make me a blessing so I can be a blessing. Give me discernment to know what’s just good and what’s God (you). Heal my brokenness. Fix the broken parts of me. Grow me up in you. Prune away non fruit bearing parts of me.” 

As someone with years of experience helping married couples piece the broken parts together, please consider working on putting God first, getting healed, and pursuing God. Marriage does not cure things. It amplifies whats broken. Seek God. Seek first the Kingdom of God, not religion. Honor God. If you won’t honor God, you won’t honor a spouse.

Warm Regards,

Erin Lamb

Racism Thrives on a Lack of Genuine Relationships with People of Color

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Photo: Noxio (Found on Pinterest)

Proximity & intentional relating can help heal a racist viewpoint.

I studied chemical engineering. Yes, I am a nerd. Yes, I love math, science, physics, and my highest grades were in math. I even took more math classes than needed. I digress. My first roommate at college had never seen a “colored” person before. She assumed because we chatted on the phone that I was white (it is a false stereotype that all people of color use broken English). Her mom thought I was the first person from my family to go to college and I was a charity case. My mother corrected her and let her know she had 5 college degrees. That was an awkward moment. The mother believed a stereotype that all people of color are charity cases, unlearned/uneducated.

My roommate’s prejudice was amplified over the first few months. She would say things that were racist and be corrected. She tried to boss me around like I was her live in servant, this too was not tolerated. It was taxing to keep educating her on how to treat people. It was also challenging for her to unlearn all the garbage she had learned about non white people.

One of her biggest fears was I would steal from her. Another stereotype is people of color are poor or steal. I told her I was not poor, did not want her stuff.

Over time her views began to shift some. She stopped acting like I wanted to steal from her. She did say, “You are okay, I just do not want any of ‘those people,’ alone with my stuff.” She was referring to my black and hispanic friends. Many of them had more money than she did. She was corrected.

What I learned from Jane (not her real name) is that it is easy to be ignorant in a bubble. If you have no real connections with people not like you, it’s easy to believe the lies of the media and culturally passed down stereotypes. If anyone should have been afraid in that situation, it should have been me. Historically racists have killed and persecuted more people of color than the reverse. A recent story popped up of a black woman poisoned by her white roommate.

I have encouraged my Bible study to GO connect with people not like you. Try to get to know them. Listen to their stories. Learn about their culture. Read. Study. Learn. Reach out. Listen to understand, not debate.

Did Jane walk away with less prejudice? I think so. I also noted there were ideas of superiority that she refused to let go. We parted ways unamicably. Instead of being able to just focus on study I was teaching my roommate how not to be racist. ChemE is challenging even if you love math, chemistry, etc…I spent a portion of my freshman year dealing with racism and bringing truth to stereotypes.

It changed me a bit. I grew up in a family where everyone was welcome and we did not do the racial stuff. I had experienced racism when we moved to another city and when my mom enrolled me in a school for the gifted. I hated that school. There was plenty of racism at that school. Yet now I was living with someone who had been raised in an environment of racism, bigotry, and white superiority. I learned racism is taught. It can be unlearned.

Though Jane and her parents may have thought she (they) were superior based on race, Jane flunked a year and I am not sure if she graduated.
Ethnic background has nothing to do with value, worth, intellect. We all were created in the image of God and have divine potential.

My encouragement is get to know people and understand every person in the man made groups is not identical. I cannot speak for every person who looks like me. Nor can you. People are people. We all come with our own stories, experiences, etc…invest some time in getting to know people.

Warmly,

Erin Lamb

Founder & CEO

Empowered-Free.com

Empoweredandfreemerch.com

OperationGodisLove.org

Relational Lessons Learned

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20 Relational Lessons.

One of the greatest mistakes I’ve made in life involves misunderstanding love. I loved lavishly without wisdom. Gave some people VIP access who should have had outside the window viewing privileges only. Listened more to what people said than watched their behavior. In an effort not to be a relational snob, to be inclusive, I would befriend almost anyone. Not due to loneliness, because I like spending time by myself. I simply thought I was loving.

Here are some hard lessons I learned:

  1. Love and access are two different things. Love everyone (seek to do no harm). Give people who have earned trust access. Love is a gift. Trust is earned. Some people will treat your heart like it has no value, mishandle you. It’s your job to test who should have access. Guard your heart. Build a fence, not a wall. Everyone can see it’s beauty, not everyone has access.
  2. Some people believe they are great and that they have pure motives, and they do not. Ask God. I ask God to reveal who I am and the hearts of others. Not to judge, to assess levels of access. We do background checks and ask for references regarding jobs or child care workers. Why don’t we investigate people who want to be close to us?
  3. People who do not love themselves, or struggle with hating themselves cannot love you! A naked man can not give you a shirt. We give away the love we possess. An insecure person will struggle with your confidence or success. They may struggle with jealousy, envy, comparison, competing, putting you down, being unsupportive, or emotionally needy/entitled.
  4. If you are doing all the giving, initiating, serving, etc…it’s charity/ministry or associate not a friendship.
  5. Take time to get to know people before calling them friend or giving access to your heart/life. Everyone does not need access or to know your business.
  6. It is challenging to truly know who someone is online. Spend time in person if you can. I have met numerous people who appear like Jesus online and in person they are unkind, rude, selfish, and toxic.
  7. Don’t just trust a person because they claim to be a Christian, a minister, etc…goes back to point 6. Take time to get to know a person’s character.
  8. Some people are ministry assignments or associates, not friends. Friendship is a higher level of trust and involves mutual investment. Friends are trustworthy.
  9. Pray over relationships. God sees what we cannot see. Listen to God even if the person is shouting, “I love you so much!”
  10. We are not a great fit for everyone. Sure, be friendly/kind to all. It does not mean every person is a good fit for friendship.
  11. Some people are attracted to what you carry, they do not value you as a person. They are fans not friends. Jesus has tons of fans, far less close friends.
  12. You can eat at the table with Judas, wash his feet, yet not take him up the mount of transfiguration.
  13. God expects us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves, not more than we love ourselves.
  14. If you don’t set boundaries, people will run all over you. People treat you how you let them treat you.
  15. God wants His kids to have great relationships just like a natural parent would.
  16. They say you attract who you are. Sometimes you attract who you are not. If you are happy, you may attract negative people. If you are a giver, you may attract takers.
  17. Selfish people can be dangerous. They primarily think about themselves.
  18. Sometimes the person who flatters you the most is the least trustworthy with your heart.
  19. People say loads of things, watch what they do.
  20. Focus on becoming a wiser person attracts wiser friends. Get wisdom, gain discernment. We don’t owe everyone friendship.

Hope these tips help!

Here is a bonus sermon: https://youtu.be/3kwA9HQ0Zj4

Warmly,

Erin Lamb

Jesus Loved Women Well

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Jesus had deep friendships with women. A note to Christian men-it is normal & godly to love someone of the opposite gender without romantic intentions & to be loved in return with agape love.

Chatting with women and my own experiences with Christian men we all have had some bad experiences with men who either act weird, or do not love well. Love is focused only on the woman they want to marry or their biological family.

There is the guy who constantly has to say, “sister in Christ.” I confronted a guy in love once who was excessive saying that to me. I asked him, “Do you keep saying that because you think I want to date you? If so, you can stop. I have no such desire.”

I spoke to a lady where men would not even look her in the eye. She was avoided. This caused deep hurt. Why? Because in Christian community it is supposed to be more like a family than an organization. Imagine going to a family gathering and people avoided you, would not talk to you, ghosted you, refused to have any godly contact, they reminded you often they only talked to you because you are related.

I had a guy tell everyone but me I was trying to date him simply because I periodically encouraged him in the Lord because that is what the Bible said to do. It was not fun when I found out. I stopped trying to have Christian men as friends for a long time. God blessed me later with a few men who could give and receive agape love without being weird, suspicious, or immature. It healed so much and taught me so much about the love of God through a man.

Yes, have some boundaries. Also note Jesus did this well, so it can be done. My suggestions.

1. You can make eye contact and say hello.

2. Don’t assume every person of the opposite gender is interested romantically. Our culture is kind when they want something or to date. It is not that way in God’s Kingdom.

3. Before you leap to conclusions pray. “God how do I need to relate to this person?”

4. Ditch fear. More people have been wounded by fear than anything else. There is no fear in God love.

5. Understand no one can make you sin. It is possible to love with God’s love and not fall into sin if you choose to let God deal with the heart.

6. If you have an issue with lust, get deliverance. Lust is an internal issue.

7. If you think a woman is interested in you, pray (do this first) and ask God for His counsel-not everyone in the church. Treat that person how you would want to be treated. It may warrant an adult conversation or better boundaries. Please refrain from gossip, ghosting (just ignoring the person). It is not loving.

I have talked to several men in my lifetime. “Hey, what’s on your mind or heart about this connection?” Asking questions is better than assuming. Some people are just loving, kind, generous or friendly. If a guy states he is looking for a wife, we talk like adults. Intentions are shared and hearts are spared from mistreatment. Some we are still friends. I simply let them know my heart and intentions. Communication is vital.

If you are not romantically interested, it is still possible to love. Jesus loved women well! Gosh, He elevated women. I also believe for those who want to be married, learning to love women in a non eros (romantic) way will help you greatly in life.

I confess I have made associations with non Christian men because they related to me better, treated me better, did not act weird, and treated me like a person not a virus. We can, I think, do better in this area. 🙂

Love,

Erin

#men #ChristianMen

Photo: Pinterest

Guarding Your Heart❤️

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Build A Fence Around Your Heart, Not a Wall. Therefore, Others Can See It’s Beauty, Yet Only Those Invited Are In It’s Inner Chamber (Your Inner World). Steward Your Heart.

One of my biggest mistakes (I think) in life was opening up my heart to so many people without wisdom. I simply wanted to love people as God loved me. So I was open, transparent, easily shared vulnerabilities. I learned it was not wisdom to give everyone access to my heart. There are ways to love everyone without allowing everyone access.

God is love! Yet God does not give everyone VIP access to Him. If you read in the Old and New Testement, there is way to get to the Father. He is not a snob. He is holy and valuable. You and I are not God. We are highly valuable to God. God loves His children MORE than earthly parents love theirs. God placed so high a value on humanity, Jesus was willing to offer His life in exchange for ours. We were guilty, dead in tresspasses and sins, and distanced from God. Jesus paid the full penalty for sin, and through Him we gain access to a holy God.

God pursues with relentless love. The door and access to Him remains the same. God sets boundaries out of love and wisdom.

You and I are called to love and value ourselves as God does. This means taking inventory of what is coming into our heart, our lives, our ears. Out of the mouth the heart speaks. When we spend all our time healing/mending from toxic people, it takes away from enjoying God and connecting with the right people.

Guarding our hearts is part of our responsibility. God does not do everything for us. We not only take assessment of who has access to us. We take assessment with God regarding our own heart. David stated, “Search me oh God!”

One of my regular prayers is, “Search my heart God. Recalibrate my heart. Align my heart with your love, truth, wisdom. Reveal any little foxes that may spoil the vine. Give me wisdom. Help me to be a blessing. Purge my heart of anything not like you!”

God is faithful to not only reveal the hearts of others (so we know how much access they need in our lives, not to judge them), but to reveal our own hearts so we can repent and be properly aligned with God’s heart! We too can guard our hearts by taking inventory of what we listen to, who we allow to speak into our lives, by seeking godly relationships, and investing in taking in what is good, pure and noble. What we feast on, we become. We become like the gods we worship. We can take inventory of the inputs in our lives. What we take in our eye and ear gates does impact our hearts. What we feed grows. So may you and I not only guard our hearts, may we deposit good things into our hearts.

As water reflects the face,

so one’s life reflects the heart.

Proverbs 27:19

The heart is deceitful above all things

and beyond cure.

Who can understand it? “I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind,

to reward each person according to their conduct,

according to what their deeds deserve.”

Jeremiah 17:9-10

Create in me a pure heart, O God,

and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Psalm 51:10

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

1 Samuel 16:7

Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

2 Corinthians 9:7

I seek you with all my heart;

do not let me stray from your commands.

Psalm 119:10

Be blessed! You are prayed for and deeply loved!! God I ask for each person reading this to have an encounter with your love today. May they know and experience the height, depth, width, and vast expanse of your incredible love!! Comfort the hearting. Heal the broken. Love them deep. In Jesus powerful name.

Love,

Erin Lamb

Empowered-Free.com

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Soul Sunday Relationship Tips

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Soul Sunday Notes: How to Process Challenging Times Without Burning Out Your Friends & Family (14 Options to Process In Challenging Seasons).

I told a relative yesterday who proclaimed, “You should ask for more help. Pride keeps independent people from getting help,” that I never desire to be that Debby Downer, needy person. God supplies all my needs, not people. The first stop for me is God, not people. I talk to God. I cry with God. I seek God. I receive comfort from God. I process with God. I tell God what I need and desire. Then God either puts me on the heart of people who reach out because they are led by His Spirit, or leads me to the right resources/people.

There is no shame in letting people know you are walking through challenges. I will tell you though people grow weary listening to other people’s pains, challenges, and problems. I know what it is like to be the person people think is their 24/7 therapist, counselor, pastor, problem solver, listening ear, crisis manager, and intercessor. They come and drop of their needs on top of my own. I can only do so much and after awhile I feel depleted. I am emotionally spent. Some people, I know if they contact me they want something, need something, or have a problem. They can be overwhelmingly exhausting. I don’t want to be the person people run from because I am constantly singing the dirge or in crisis.

So here are my tips for bypassing being the person people hide from because you are too needy:

1. Seek God first! Gosh God gives the best counsel, support, comfort, and challenging seasons are a great time to go even deeper.

2. Get in the Bible and search for passages that pertain to your current struggle. Pray God’s word out loud.

3. Worship God. Worship recalibrates our perspective and takes our mind off our situation and places it on God.

4. Reach out to people paid to help those in crisis. Many bigger ministries have paid intercessors or prayer teams. Cfan, Joyce Meyers, CBN, and many more have numbers you can call or online portals to submit prayer requests. Gosh, I have been submitting requests to Joyce Meyer Ministries since college. It gives your friends and family a break.

5. Ask God to send helpers, supporters. God knows who can handle your situation and your heart.

6. Take an interest in your friends and family without dumping your problems on them. Celebrate with them if you can. Why? Life is not all about us.

7. Give thanks daily. Try to find something to be thankful for.

8. Recognize your friends and family have their own struggles, bills, lives, and issues. If you constantly dump your problems on them, you can become a burden. Yes, our family/close friends are supposed to love without condition. Yet they are not God. They can not handle constant crisis.

9. Learn to encourage yourself in the Lord. I go find inspirational youtube videos & prayers. I play them. I encourage myself instead of looking to someone else.

10. If your situation is chronic, look for support groups, grief share, or for some-you may need to find a therapist. They get paid to listen to people’s problems.

11. Show up when you don’t have a problem. Add value. Ask how other people are doing and listen.

12. Journal thoughts instead of taking up hours of your friend’s and family time talking about yourself. I can not tell you how many times I prayed God would let my phone die with people who talked 3 hours or more about themselves and never let me say anything. Then after their verbal dump on me it’s “I gotta go.”

13. Understand people need breaks from bad news and you need prayer. Share something positive, add value, ask how you can pray for them.

14. Treat others how you wish to be treated. I don’t enjoy only being contacted for prayer requests, needs, everybody’s crisis. So I refrain from putting my burdens on people. I go to God first. Then where He leads me. I try to add more than I take. Because I understand what it’s like to be the burden bearer for others. After awhile you learn to say no, set firm limits, and tell people to seek Jesus or professional help.

I hope something here is a blessing! God loves you with an everlasting love.

Warmly,

Erin Lamb

Empowered-Free.Com

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OperationGodisLove.org